Realizing long term gains

Two years ago, I had a grim outlook on life. I was only 19 and I thought I'd never even make it to 23. This was influenced by my near death experience I had back in 2016. I suppose, the experience changed a lot of my views about life. It changed the way I see life, my identity since I partially lost some memories, and the way I approach my daily life. In short, I struggled with much more than only identity.

Since then, I maximized everything in life. I indulged in pleasure, working hard, rushing everything. I did those, only because I had conviction that I wouldn't even make it by 23. Yet surprisingly, I am soon going to be 22.

From the last two year, it felt like I was riding on a fast train to nowhere. I took the train by myself but soon, joined by other passengers, who seemed to know their final destination. I came inside that train without any idea. I hoped the conductor would tell me my last destination because I didn't want to think about it. Why wouldn't I just enjoy the ride?

_{Illustration of standing woman facing speed train via pexels}

Inside the train, I sat with different people. They told me a story or two about life, their experiences, their deepest secrets and all sorts of wonder. Eventually, it felt like I was growing old and trapped in a young body. I had seen people hopped on and off the rail car I was seated. Some nice passengers would leave me a thank you note or a wise word before they departed. But some, left their seat just like that. Sometimes, it happened when I was asleep or when I excused myself to listen to something else but them. That train was an executive class rail with limitless entertainment at the tip of my fingers. It was fun than the previous rail car I took. However, there was a time when the train finally slowed down. All of sudden, everything looked scary and boring. I asked myself " is this ride going to be over?" " is this my final destination?"

My heart pounded and my stomach turned. " what is wrong with this train?" turned out, there was nothing wrong. I was just asked to hop into another train, a slower one.

As I sat in a slower rail car, parts of me wished that I could take one more fast ride cause it was full of fun and lesson. Meanwhile in that slower train, I was left with loneliness, anger, resentment, guilt, fear and another uncertainties. I spent my time inside that slower train to think about my experiences and things people taught me. It was a boring ride but it made me realize that I might live longer.

It turns out, I live longer even after several other accidents and an earthquake. Only then, I realized the thing we call, a long term gain. In life, we can't expect to get rich faster, master something, or instantly be the perfect CEO under 25. These things, it needs grit, patience and persistence. If you gain something faster, chances are it's also temporary. For instance, getting rich fast, is possible but if you aren't thinking about long term, you'd blow it faster as well.

Simultaneously, death is inevitable. Nonetheless, try not to think about it too much, like I did.

It will happen to all of us one way or another. Sometimes it happens in an unexpected way. Although some said " do things as if tomorrow is your last day on earth."But I offer more positive approach to this matter, just try to think you have more time especially when you're still young. Pursue things you love, don't rush into things, enjoy the process. You will reap what you sow soon enough. It might not be tomorrow, it might not be next week yet, it can be several years later. Be patient.

In addition to soothe my worry mind, I keep adding years to my life. As I am more positive now, I think about adding 20 years of my life span. I will at least have more time to work on things. But we must remember, they say time is money, but you can't get time when you wasted it,unlike money.Once time passes, it's gone. So, be wise about spending both.

_{Previously drafted on 200wad}

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