No Judgement (poem)

Pre-poem sidenote:
I have been writing this poem on and off for a few months now. There have been many influences and inspirations, but one synchronicity I've especially liked while it's been ruminating is hearing this song No Judgement by Chad Wilkins. To me, this is all a blessed reminder to love ourselves, and so each other, with acceptance and without judgement. I might write something more heady about my thoughts on these concepts soon, but for now...

Judgment.

Get out of my head.

I don't need you
Not here
Not now

Sometimes I want you.
Sometimes
I need you

But not now

Not when I'm pushing
my edges
Growing
Expanding

You're not helping me with that

You're what I push past
Like the door swinging open
Giving way to the light
on the other side

I can only see a faint light
around the edges of the closed door

Here in this room of Judgement
Darkness is all I have
But there is a faint light
around the edges of this door
and I sense that there is more
beyond this old closed door

I step closer and I see
there is a sign
posting:

"FEAR & LIFE"
it says

What?
How can the same door lead to those two places?
those places aren't the same
Not for me
Not anymore

Fear is a concept I recognize.
Fear... Fear is
Uncertainty.
That's just a concept
in my mind -
Isn't it?
In my mind
it feels real...
Asking haunting questions
Telling frantic lies
"What's behind the door?
Don't know
Probably locked
Better not to look
something might hurt"

Life is
Life -
Tangible
Palpable
With a heartbeat
And hot breath!

Here on the dark side
of the door
I can still feel
my body
saying without words
"I know
I know
Breathe
In
Out"

And Courage
rises up like a gust of wind
carrying my hand to the door
almost as though
I have no control of it
my body being used
by some forceful current
of energy
Loving energy.
It's not scary
Not at all.

My hand
lands
beneath the sign
on the door
and before my fear
can start to say
anything
I am pushed
pushing?
I'm not sure
Is it me?
My own energy?
Or some other force?
It feels like it's coming
from me
through me
within me
It has been welling up
for so long
while I've waited
for this doorway
to finally be through it
And it's not locked!
It lets me through easily.
I rush
Boldly
Before anyone or any feeling or any other thing can stop me

The light has transformed from a dim orange glow around the edges of the door
To a bright white light
So bright
I close my eyes
And
Just
Surrender.
My hands and heart
Fall
wide open
Presenting myself to the other side
Whatever it is
I'm ready
for it to be anything
I'm ready
to be on the other side

And so I am
basking in the light
Suddenly unafraid
Breathing deep
My heart pounding
Steady and strong

Courage surges through me now.
It would make Fear nervous,
but Love is here
and Fear is gone.