We grew up putting others first, thinking of everyone else before you even consider ourselves, grown-up said we had "hearts of gold".
No, we didn't.
We have hearts that had been sewn up, glued, stapled and bandaged together, our broken hearts and damaged Souls more painful than any physical blow they could ever hit us .
Were so fragile...
Sometimes it felt like the tiniest breeze will send us flying off our feet and shatters into a million pieces.
School, was not a place for learning, it was a training ground for the rest of our lives we learned that if we stayed in groups with people who are like us, we were safer and stronger.
We learned how to get what we wanted, how to find our place in society but what about those who don't have a place... people who don't fit in with any groups people like me... every day was a fight to survive, every day peace my confidence died everyday was just one more tally on my scoreboard of fights i had one every day that I opened my eyes.
Teachers were there. Every time. They see what you did and would only intervene if you reacted that taught us that we shouldn't fight back because we're the only ones who get in trouble, the whole world was on our backs.
We were to fat or too thin too tall too short to this or two that they would always find something wrong with you and after years of hearing it you start to believe it yourself you start to see the imperfections and pick yourself apart and every other word was another band-aid around you're already broken heart you hate your imperfections even if they aren't real and then people family friends, wonder why you feel the way you feel society ruined us that's all it will ever do.
No amount of hugs will make it better no pep talks will win the fight because we know, that no one's there to help in the middle of the night the monsters are in the playground, in school,l in the park and eventually you start to carry those monsters deep inside your heart.
I know what you're talking about. Been there, done that. Fortunately, I was also taught effective ways of protecting myself. They do work. But, it's always a case-by-case thing... what worked for me most likely won't work for others.
I am against hugs and in favor of mentoring. I was blessed in that I found such a person in my younger days. I'm not going to say "be strong!" (what BS) but I say try to be patient. Tough one to do when you've been subjected to lots of kicking and bruising, but (sometimes) it pays off better than you think. Good luck.
(friendly advice: check your spelling, punctuation etc... don't let people accuse you of not paying attention).
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