counting

i've grown accustomed to counting
as soon as i enter a room.
i couldn't tell you exactly when
this started but that doesn't really matter now.
what matters is that i'm still counting,
at work, at bars, at clubs, on tv.
if you don't know what i'm talking about,
you probably wouldn't be counted
if i were in the room with you.

the problem is that now i'm not counting
the living, i've had to turn and start
counting the dead, trying to remember their name
as if it were my own, because it could be my own.
one day, if someone sees something of themselves
in me that they don't like, or have tried to forget
and ignore, let's say their past, or their negation
of my humanity, or a negation of their past,
one day, i will be counted and someone else
will try to remember my name.