Sometimes these days

I always feel lonely
When I am physically or not
I can't fill it
I spend my time alone paralyzed
Sometimes I cannot think my thoughts
Just lonely holes in my time spent
That are gone forever
I spend the lucid moments planning for when the house is filled again
I can never wait until it's time to filter home to me
And then its not enough
It's not enough and I do or say something
That comes through wrong
Because it's not their fault I am lonely
And so I am paralyzed inside my mind
Knowing I am not alone
Feeling like I am brain damaged
And thinking I can out think it
Because it makes no sense
Except maybe this is where I am supposed to be
Right here at this time
Things are just lining up
To reconnect the broken wires
Repairing these holes I cannot remember
But it's everyday now
So I worry about lost time more and lonely less
And all I can do every night
When I'm trying to sleep
Is remind myself that it wasn't always like this
Its been better and worse
I can't only remember the worse
So tomorrow I shouldn't be lonely
So sleep and my brain can not feel my damage
And try this again tomorrow

❤