I finally came terms with something significant that i thought had been weighing me down for a very, very long time. I finally sealed the last hole of communication between me and the person who was the first in my life that i truly loved above all else and it still hurts my soul to think about her and my laughable hopes which are now just a painful nightmare when i consciously need to block her out of my mind and thoughts, like trying to detach yourself from a dream you know will never be conjured into existence, a fast-acting, heavy dose of melancholy is what manifests, a slow painful ache is what persists as i struggle to stop reflecting on how you could've been this.