The Fall and Rise
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In the middle of a field
Was a burned down oak
Its trunk turned to ash
In the sky still lingering smoke
Beside it stood a little girl
A lighter in her hand
She looked at me and smiled
And I could not understand
She spoke to me: ‘you see
This is the truest of all:
In order to rise,
One first must always fall.’
This is very good! I agree with @mylittleblurbs, your imagery is very good. I can't wait to check out your page.
Upvoted and following!
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Thanks so much! I am going to check you out as well, looking forward!
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As always, I enjoy your poetic imagery. I thought I followed you earlier, but I failed. I did now though. I abosilutely live the first verse. Its chilling, and ending it with the "one first must fall" is great. @mylittleblurbs.
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That's so awesome to hear, thanks a lot! Will follow back (:
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Enjoyed, one nit if you don’t mind. “Stood a burned down oak,” if it’s standing it’s not burned down. Burned down implies to the ground. Maybe, was a burned down oak.
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Ah yes I totally get your point and agree! In my mind it was more a sad, half burned down tree haha
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I’m use to posting in writing forums for critique but avoid it here because some people get offended. In this case I took a chance because it wasn’t about style just a minor oversight in perspective. Anyway, have a good day. Like what your doing.
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No I actually really appreciate it! Still got a lot to learn as well, so thanks, also for the support (:
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It is exceptional! I can’t find better words to describe it... Great great great! I followed you to have the luck of reading your next one
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Sooo lovely of yours! I will do my best to live up to it (:
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I've fallen too many times @moonsoleil I wonder if I did rise at all. Great poem you have here
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I know the feeling, but victory is in the details, I think! Thanks for your time.
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Following because this is quality writing and also when I read this, it sounded a bit like something I wrote a few days ago,
"You can only reach a mountaintop
if you start from the ground below.
So worry not if you fall down now
'cause upward is the only way to go."
https://steemit.com/life/@xaydtrips/free-verse-01-the-world-is-an-irony
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That is lovely, thanks for sharing. Going to check you out as well! (;
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This is really good. You packed so much into so little. It reminded me of the quality of nightmares, this shifty tone that kind of quivers. And the line at the end is great.
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Thank you so much! I guess I do love somewhat ‘dark’ poetry, if you will. Really gets to the heart of things.
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I completely agree. I love the brilliance of life, a brilliance I believe is only achievable though the dark effervescent shimmer that rises from death, which is why nightmares make you so glad to be awake.i also write poetry if you care to check it out. I really dig your poetry. Keep it up
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Amazing peom. Simply awesome.
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Thanks!
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wow, what a rewarding read. thanks for sharing :) I really enjoyed the imagery as others did
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Thanks, that's always awesome to hear!
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Did like the poem, especially appreciate its simplicty and fluency, good luck, hope you will like my poem as well (which I am going to post in a minute :) )
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Thanks for the compliment and will check it out!
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