Tanka: a Japanese poem consisting of five lines, the first and third of which have five syllables and the other seven, making 31 syllables in all and giving a complete picture of an event or mood.
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Soldier’s Dilemma
Since the towers fell
I question my direction
searching for balance
With extremities grounded
I moon-gaze and think of home
I have always loved haiku and many of it's derivative forms. So I figured I would try to challenge myself with a tanka for this week's contest. I took some liberty with the dice interpretations and combined a few of the images into single words or phrases. It was kind of necessary in order to keep within the confines of the form. I wrote this while thinking of soldiers and military people currently away from their home in response to the ongoing middle eastern conflicts. Being away from my family at the moment, I can relate to how they must feel in balancing their call to duty with their longing to return home. Please let me know your thoughts below. As always, I appreciate your comments.
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I really like how you went the extra step and made it challenging for yourself by using the Tanka structure. I think it works well. The combination of the dice into words and phrases, doesn't bother me because it works. I like the message your poem portrays too. Interesting how a few words, can cause the reader to interpret a much larger story.
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I don't know why I feel like I have to challenge myself more with these PD3K challenges, especially since I hardly ever win. I do find them a lot of fun though and that's what it's all about. Thanks again for stopping by.
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Appendages is a reach (lol) (id rather u reference each dice image seperately) but bonus points all the same!! This is truly a masterpiece, Moe!!! Great work. And I just love the form!! I'd like to try one of my own sometime, too. Thanks for participating this week! It's always a pleasure and a treat to lose myself in your little groups of words, so open to interpretation.
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Thank you. LOL, I actually decided on "extremities" but forgot to change it before posting. I understand about the unique references. It's ok if I don't win a prize, I just look at the dice and get ideas. I also like to push the envelope on the rules. I'm just grateful for the inspiration.
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Is this a dilemma for the soldier? I think it is complementary. Unless you mean that for guarding one's home one must be away from it.
I have to admit that I feel as if I'm getting old, that it actually took me a moment to realize the "towers' fall" allusion wasn't merely poetic, but historic. I am also reminded of coverage of how different that was perceived in the states than elsewhere in the world - not in a nationalistic sense, but from a religious perspective, and how in the states it was accompanied by imagery and talk of the end times.
I like this poem, and I like this format.
The last two lines act as the last line in a haiku often does, creating a solid image that while it is separated from the prior lines, also encapsulates them.
I'll have to try tanka over haiku myself.
By the by, would like hearing of your family situation. In private, if you'd feel more comfortable about that.
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It was written from the perspective of an American or other western soldier located far away in support the current conflicts. I do not see this as the only way one can defend their home, but it is a perspective I am more familiar with as a resident of the US.
Tanka is great. I also think Haibun (short amount of prose followed by a haiku) would be right up your alley.
The family is good. I'll DM you later.
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I sense a long moving story in your poem.
There's the past, present and future. The past of course tells of the defeat. It symbolizes the realisation that one has lost, in this case, a battle. Of course, one possible result of that is death.
This informed the setting for the present; the questioning, the doubt of if he had chosen the right side to fight on. Regret might set in here.
And then one wonders about the future, about home.
I believe everyone goes through this stage. In just five lines and 31 syllables, you tell the story of most humans. The defeat, or disappointment or failure, the resulting inner turmoil and then thoughts about the future.
I think I should recommend your poems to my lecturers. They make for good insights into human lives
I like that you experiment with structures too.
Great job
PS: I didn't notice your posts in my feed so I decided to seek you out and here you are
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I've always been a fan of adding a little extra challenge to contests!
Specifically trying to imbue more into less, making each word "denser" and more poignant in meaning.
The less that flow the greater the gravitas (at times)
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after reading your poem, I am thinking about those soldiers who are farway from their families,
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Nice @moeknows
I like this posting,hopefully you add success yes.
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