“Welcome to Confoundio!”

This is something we will never say to you. There’s a reason you can count on Confoundio to never acknowledge you in greeting. We don’t like communications that suggest relationships between people. We’re not just a different kind of social network, we’re an in different social network.

Our board of directors is composed exclusively of sociopaths whose official diagnoses can be verified through their inclusion in the public record over criminal misdeeds. And beyond the absolutely unparalleled innate lack of empathy and beyond the winding professional trails of comprehensive devastation through humanity so discordant with our collective knowledge of the range of human condition that it is nearly visually perceptible to us, they are also backed by long histories absent of even the most understandably inadvertent “net positive.”

...It sometimes impresses us to the point of uncharacteristic existentialism how it could be possible for the sheer number of their complicated and sustained efforts, in a truly arbitrary universe, to have yielded such a perfect record of demonstratively negative outcomes to every individual living beyond themselves and even the inert environment surrounding. And we elect only those whose career’s worth of mixed involvement in financial services, utilities, pharma, telecom, and government is of an exact nature that is hard to define or even characterize... We find it’s better if they were “just there.”

And that’s just our board! Confoundio is lead by capable men and men exclusively whose crooked smiles and shriveling gazes belie power disassociated, temporarily, from death--and from death’s clade, more sinister concepts who hold it as no substantial prey, those horrors foreign to man and his imagination who have lurked on the other sides of what edges there are: through the depths of the oceans before they were rounded, beyond the cold heights of the azure dome before it was pierced, and through the mad cracks of a mind before the walls come tumbling down.

Young children and dogs become docile and withdrawn around them as if they were forced to face, within a previously unknown part within them, something they could not see clearly or express in any meaningful way, yet whose existence implied something certain and bleak about this world that could not be overcome with even the infinite and naive love of their little hearts. And this makes Confoundio’s leaders laugh--they laugh a laugh that takes. This quasi natural power trickles down into everything we do at Confoundio.

How was this manifesto embellished with the exotic bullets below that are so evocative of clandestine power? Just moments before this document was published our CIO slipped into my partitioned workspace with the pace and quiet of a shadow rising to meet the edge of the earth in the final moments of twilight. I was alerted to his presence only by the the air: the feeling as it seized my body’s every vitality and by the compulsory panic of a man unable to draw breath because of its sudden weight. With a gentle hiss he moved me aside. And as I wondered, contorted details of my face bathed in over-adequate fluorescence, if in fact this was Hell, had always been Hell, an elaborate torture in which I was feeling the initial notes in a terrible crescendo, he removed his leather glove--so taught and seamless, I thought surely it had been his hand--and extended the ring on his left hand’s middle finger to meet my screen with a definitive motion of uncanny speed. With that same speed he drew it back and began putting on his glove. As he did so, he turned to me. I intended to fill unnatural this space with some of the insulative human words that I knew in the lifetime before this meeting. Yet I do not know if any escaped me as I was unable to hear anything but the roar from utmost exertion of every earth-bound element around me shouting in unison though some astral firmament in a discordant concert of unintelligible sound, toward a meaning which was absolutely clear. Then, looking for thousands of miles through any matter before him, he communicated to me in what I know must have been speech, “Quickly, imagine... imagine that fire you’d find on the level of the cell, held captive in a dish. How fast it might move. How well it might hide. How quick it might grow. Relative to you. Employing all that is man: er’ hopeful effort, er’ cobbled resource, er’ discharge of novel energy. Could you act with all your men to stop that fleetest fire from spreading? From escaping the confines of that dish to consume the world in which you live? ...then what hope have they who keep fast this dish to weather long this fire?”

Confoundio’s leaders have experience escaping just before insolvency and dissolution of businesses in Gas and Oil, Wall Street/Securities, Banking, Insurance, and businesses in Telecom for which there are no meaningful designations. But we ensure that their extensive histories of scandal and conviction do not include time served. Confoundio does not hire criminals ¹ Many have combinations of government and corporate experience. We would require it so, but we find that on this level the boundaries really start to lose their meaning.

But that is not enough. To insure the truly eternal nature of our indifference, we have taken the extraordinary step of petitioning the government with lobbying efforts so...

ᚦ unreasonably magnitudinous in financial reward
ᚦ comprehensive in consummated solicitation at each level, branch, and individual
ᚦ preposterously direct in demands and terms of exchange so as to be visually suggestive of danger and treacherous intent
ᚦ thoroughly contracted and otherwise documented
ᚦ nonchalantly insincere in professions of secrecy on an order indicative not of tacit but of willful--perhaps even codified--acceptance of eventual release

...that we can now with pleasure and certain authority announce our coming incorporation as a “Federal Corporation.² ” This sits us at the intersection of bank, government agency, and corporate person. We don’t think we need to explain the legal and practical inability for concern from there on, and know we really take joy in explaining things to you.

1. We find, unfortunately, that they often hold rudimentary sets of vague guiding principles which even imperfect adherence to often makes them ill equipped for the multifarious demands and activities of leadership at Confoundio.

2. This dated corporate structure, was not as ever dwindling sources both in number and credibility seem to indicate “abandoned due to conflicts of interest so acute that even the practice of unbridled greed, effectively beyond any laws of god and man, tore itself apart in exaggerated death throes society at large will wear forever as a part of its psyche if not through the extension of direct harms passed down from generation to generation” The banks and money people--everybody really--just forgot.