Chances are, you know someone with a violent partner. Perhaps you already suspect that is the case. Why? There are clues. Missed work, healing injuries coupled with implausible explanations of how they occurred, visible nervousness and anxiety when the phone rings—perhaps you can even hear the angry tone of voice on the other end.

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What Is Anxiety?

• Anxiety, or extreme apprehension and worry, is a normal reaction to stressful situations. But in some cases, it becomes excessive and can cause sufferers to dread everyday situations.

This type of steady, all-over anxiety is called Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Other anxiety-related disorders include panic attacks—severe episodes of anxiety which happen in response to specific triggers—and obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is marked by persistent intrusive thoughts or compulsions to carry out specific behaviors (such as hand-washing).

Anxiety so frequently co-occurs with depression that the two are thought to be twin faces of one disorder. Like depression, it strikes twice as many females as males.

Generally, anxiety arises first, often during childhood. Evidence suggests that both biology and environment can contribute to the disorder. Some people may have a genetic predisposition to anxiety; however, this does not make development of the condition inevitable. Early traumatic experiences can also reset the body’s normal fear-processing system so that it is hyper-reactive to stress.

The exaggerated worries and expectations of negative outcomes in unknown situations that typify anxiety are often accompanied by physical symptoms. These include muscle tension, headaches, stomach cramps, and frequent urination. Behavioral therapies, with or without medication to control symptoms, have proved highly effective against anxiety, especially in children.

• You suspect that you have never met the potentially violent partner because he or she would be a walking red flag of controlling, rude mannerisms. Or maybe you are suspicious because you have.

• Whatever the circumstances, when you suspect domestic violence is affecting the life of someone you know, you probably have asked yourself, why doesn´t the victim just leave? The answer might not be so obvious. Although domestic violence victims can be men or women, statistics reveal there are more female victims then male. One wonders, however, whether those statistics are impacted by women reporting abuse more often than men, as opposed to reflecting the frequency of abuse by men versus women.
  
  source wikimedia

Dealing with Domestic Violence

• Domestic violence can affect anyone of any age or gender. Whether it's physical or psychological, domestic abuse is destructive for both the battered and the batterer. Its tendency to be passed down over generations makes it all the more important that we develop effective methods for combating abuse.

Definition

• Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is a rare condition of emotional dysfunction, in which a baby or child cannot form a bond with its parents or caregivers due to early neglect or mistreatment. The symptoms of RAD can mimic other conditions, so it is important to have the affected child evaluated by a specialist in order to get the correct diagnosis and treatment. Without treatment, RAD may persist for years and have a permanent effect on the child’s emotional development and adult relationships.

As a prosecutor, I have spent decades prosecuting domestic abusers. One consistent factor in cases of domestic violence is that the stated reasons for refusing to leave an abuser are supported by research.

Why Victims Stay With Abusers

• Researchers have studied the reasons women do not leave their abusers. In a study aptly named “Why Doesn't She Just Leave?'” Anderson et al. (2003) investigated exactly that question.[i] Some of the reasons they discovered included financial need, lack of another place to go, as well as reported lack of help from law enforcement.

• They note that family and social role expectations may create pressure for the victim to remain in a caretaker role and attempt to repair the relational damage caused by the abuse. They note that victims who seek to maintain their relationships are motivated to accept apologies from the abuser and promises to change.

All About Caregiving

• A 2015 report by the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP found that 43.5 million Americans are providing unpaid care for an adult or child. Caregiving may involve shopping, housekeeping, providing transportation, feeding, bathing, toilet assistance, dressing, walking, coordinating appointments, and financial management. To provide unpaid care is a beautiful act of love and devotion, but also a great drain on one's physical and psychological resources.

Separation Anxiety

Some victims do not leave an abusive relationship because they fear they will be subjected to far worse abuse than they are already enduring. Research corroborates the justification for that fear.

In “Risk Factors for Intimate Partner Violence,” (2016) Petersson et al. note that research shows that the risk of intimate partner violence is increased within the context of a separation, and that femicide may be triggered by an actual or even anticipated separation.[iii] They also note that the risk of violence during a separation is not a long-term possibility, it is immediate.

Regarding the explanation for the spike in serious or deadly violence risk during a period of separation, they note that prior research has identified the perpetrator´s loss of control over their partner as a trigger.

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