Introduction
At some point in our lives, we might have felt the feeling that people were looking at us in an ugly way, rejecting us with their gestures, and even at some point, we could even think hatred being emanated towards us.
Perhaps it is due to feelings of loneliness, lack of communication with others or because we are going through a bad phase in our personal life. Wondering why other people seem to reject us or hate us is a thought that emerges in times of crisis, when our self esteem seems to fall apart at any moment and we feel bad about everything that surrounds us. If we get too stressed over this feeling of rejection, it may lead to more serious problems such as depression or fear of relating with others. This is why it is important to detect this idea in time without letting it consume our thoughts, analyze it and figure out a way to completely eliminate it, in order to avoid this type of thoughts affect us more than they should.
At the end of the day, you’re going to notice that limiting beliefs have a tendency to encourage an individual to live below their true potential. | Source
Because when it comes to other people and especially if they don’t know us, the most probable thing is they have literally no feelings towards, whether positive or negative ones, so if an individual believes other people in general are hating him, it could be a problem merely caused by his own perception of things.
Why would anyone develop this negative perception?
These types of thoughts can appear because of different reasons, maybe we are experiencing a lack of love after going through a breakup and we feel that no one wants to have us as a partner. Or perhaps throughout our childhood we have not received enough love and affection which make us unconsciously believe that we do not deserve to feel someone's affection. We will have to deal with these feelings according to their root cause, and this way, we can solve them for good.
The lack of love we might feel could be solved by focusing in developing our own self love, leaving behind our insecurities and strengthening our self esteem, if we don’t love ourselves no one else will. If we replace this lack of love coming from others with expressing care and affection towards ourselves, we will eventually be able to have a good resilience, which is nothing more than a good capacity to face the problems and overcome the setbacks of life.
Resilience consists in “... the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences.” | Source
Many times, these thoughts are part of a broader group of beliefs that can limit us (which will be discussed below) and do not usually have a real foundation because there are always going to be people who love us and value us but we can not appreciate it because there is a belief that is limiting this perception.
... once you’ve developed a core belief, you’ll pay close attention to any evidence that reinforces your belief. So if someone who believes she’s stupid passes nine tests but fails one, she’ll conclude the one failed test serves as further proof she’s unintelligent. | Source
Feeling that nobody cares for us, feeling rejected or even hated, is obviously not a pleasant experience. We as humans are inherently social, we live with people all around us and we need someone to care about our well being, so we can be able to interact with them comfortably, someone who is constantly aware of how we feel and who also cares about our emotions. If we have the belief that there is really nobody who is worried about what we feel, we will eventually experience a sense of helpless and will feel little understood by those around us, like if we didn’t have a place to which we belong.
Now, if someone is really taking seriously the possibility that nobody loves them nor appreciates them, and therefore they arrive at the flawed conclusion consisting in the fact that they are hated, then this person should really stop for a few minutes to really ponder about this apparently dangerous reality.
Because by doing so, this person will surely realize there is not much truth in those beliefs, but if they are still present in his head and remain in there persistently throughout time, then it might be because what he is facing is a limiting belief that results from having to go through negative experiences in the past.
Handling limiting beliefs
Limiting beliefs are defined as follows:
Simply put, limiting beliefs refers to a false belief. This false belief is gained by the individual, as a result of that same individual making an incorrect assumption about something in life. | Source
Limiting Beliefs are beliefs that we hold about ourselves and the world that become part of our identity... these Limiting Beliefs become very strong and hard to change and end up shaping a lot of our behaviors, thoughts and feelings. | Source
Limiting beliefs are simply thoughts or ideas that are usually unconscious and tend to be repeated over and over in people’s head, capable of preventing anyone from acting with their greatest potential. These beliefs tend to be related to the person in question, about his qualities and skills, but could also be about the world and the people around him, some specific examples of limiting beliefs would be:
Women only want men who have a lot of money
Guys are only interested in younger women. | Source
Any generalization that we use to justify our lack of action in a particular circumstance, could be a limiting belief.
Each person formulates their beliefs in their own way and they do not have to be exactly the same as with those stated above, but it should be accepted that many people share these thoughts in a similar way, therefore, analyzing to what extent these phrases are true would be the most important step in order to overcome them. Determining the veracity of what these people think and even most importantly, why are they thinking in such a limiting way is essential to get rid of these types of thoughts. Many times, people might relate a discomfort or a feeling of emptiness with the idea that they are alone and nobody wants them, this happens because it is not easy to name it nor to correctly detect abstract sensations such as emptiness, and our mind resorts to think something simple and easy to understand.
People must detect all beliefs, or at least the majority, that prevent them from properly relating to others and to make mistakes when interpreting how others see them. Many times, people act without knowing that many of their thoughts can be limiting them and for this reason, taking the time to really reflect about it and properly identifying those limiting beliefs can be a little bit challenging, and also a humbling experience, because knowing they are sabotaging themselves with some of their own thoughts is not something to be happy about.
In the same way that our tastes and opinions about what surrounds us change over the years as we grow wiser, the same happens to the image we have about ourselves, it changes over the years. Once a person managed to detect those limiting thoughts that complicate his live, it is time to put this knowledge into practice and neutralize them with a proper reasoning that will leave very clear the fact this limiting beliefs were indeed wrong.
Conclusion
After observing, analyzing and questioning what we think, we have to turn our beliefs around if they are mistaken. In this way, if we change and turn negative thoughts into positive ones, they will feed new and reassuring beliefs about ourselves, and a good self-esteem will help to develop resilience as mentioned before, so that, if at some point in the future we suffer again, we will have new tools to avoid feeling like if nobody loves us or that everyone hates us.
Take time to consider which beliefs might be limiting your potential. Perhaps you are smarter than think, more capable than you give yourself credit for, and stronger than you know. | Source
At the end of the day, our mind can be our most powerful tool to solve whatever issue we may encounter in life, but if it becomes an obstacle then it is of great importance for us to take the necessary measures in order to leave this problems behind.
Have you ever experienced something similar to a limiting belief?
References
flowpsychlogy – limiting belief
psychologytoday - limiting beliefs
Image sources
All images are from pixabay and pexels
1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8 , 9 , 10
If these titles sound interesting to you, I assure you the articles will be even better!
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"Understanding vicarious embarrassment. Feeling shame for others." |
Is it possible to be TOO resilient? I have taken on board my mother's belief in me that I will always bounce back. And I do. BUT I rather think I tend to avoid situations over which I have no control - such as submitting manuscripts to traditional publishers. Instead I hastened into self-publishing and inevitably did not get it right (that is -perfect) first time, nor the second but know the final fix is within reach - and regrettably that seems to suffice - hesitating to take the next step. I realise this may sound egocentric but I am very slow to judge others and don't expect to be judged by others except when wanting their approval of my work. Gosh, this is working out like a therapy session. Maybe I have TOO high an opinion of myself?
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In my opinion, the more resilience we have, the better.
Adopting a entrepreneurship attitude is the most ambitious thing to do, and I can imagine self publishing must not be an easy business, especially at the beginning. Do you think it was worth it to go with self publishing?
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Just as you rightfully pointed out, having control over the kind of thoughts we allow ourselves to dwell on is of great importance. People that are always depressed, who feel that people hate them and that bad things will surely happen to them are people that allow such unhealthy thoughts to dwell when it comes to their mind. I wonder why someone will spend time having such thoughts than using it to imagine fun-filled stuffs.
I enjoyed reading your post @dedicatedguy.
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It is not something so easy to control, it just happens automatically and people get use to think like that.
Cheers mate.
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Hi @dedicatedguy!
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A calm mind can solve every problem well, and when we solve problems in emotional states it is not the right choice, so people who experience frustration caused by their minds are emotional and can not make wise decisions.
Well writen bro! Keep it up
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This is absolutely true mate!
Thanks for stopping by
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Limited beliefs.. We could link this to low self esteem right?!... It's unfortunate it comes automatic, no prior signals
Great and informative article @dedicatedguy.
followed
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Indeed it is related to self esteem.
^^
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From a religious perspective, specifically Christianity, this limited belief are called stronghold...and they happen to accumulate over time, thus continuous reinforcement.
Great write guy
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Thanks for sharing this mate!
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I think no matter who you are, we all have these thoughts at times and it's being able to stop them from continuing that you need to do, that will help prevent it from happening more often. It gets hard sometimes though, but people that support you help it to be easier.
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Yes, if people having these issues receive proper support they shouldn't have any problem overcoming them, although isolation might make it more difficult to go out and look for support.
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WOW!! I really, really needed this! I told my friend just a few days ago this very thing; that I had convinced myself from the very beginning (of a social project) that no one involved was there for me, because they all hate me.
this is another area I have limiting beliefs. I don't take care of myself, neither emotionally nor physically, because I have always just figured I wasn't worth it, and to do so would be selfish. In fact, I remember before going into rehab voluntarily, my mother said to me "Gee, Jane. How selfish". My own mother!
And of resilience? I have none. First hint of self-doubt, and I "fold like a flan in a cupboard". I've become a chameleon, never mastering in any one area, because I give up "before fail at it anyway".
Suggesting that one identify all limiting beliefs is daunting, for reasons you stated, but seems certainly necessary. Perhaps it's time for Jane to start a journal.
Great post, and very timely. Thank you!
Upvoted, resteemed and followed.
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I am really happy this article was useful for you @disarrangedjane , I hope it can help you in overcoming those negative beliefs that simply aren't true!
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