It seems to be almost an inherent part of human nature that we like to "be right." It makes us feel good when we know something and can put it to functional use, or we know something that can help out someone who's looking for answers. At a more basic-- "animal"-- level, being right helps people establish where they "fit" into the ranks of a social hierarchy.
Primroses in our garden
For the most part "being right" is some combination of experience, learning, knowledge, common sense and intuition.
Now, this may seem simple enough... but it isn't always so.
The Dark Side of "Rightness"
Have you ever met someone for whom "being right" and knowing everything is almost like a badge of honor?
My guess is "yes."
For such a person it feels like the personal outcome of "being right" is actually more important than whether the information or argument they are making is tangibly and measurably correct. Which is why we sometimes experience such people defending a completely inaccurate point of view with great force and emphasis.
We may dismiss such people as "blowhards" or "know-it-alls" but it always makes me wonder what's going on inside these individuals.
Opening the door of possibilities...?
I spent some time hanging out with a psychologist friend some years back, who explained that some people wrap a huge part of their self-identity (and consequently self-worth) up in their perceived "expertise" in some-- or many areas of life. As such, it becomes a massive blow to their ego to admit to being "wrong," and they will go to great lengths to avoid looking like they don't know what they are talking about.
Interestingly enough, we see this sort of behavior quite frequently in politicians and public figures who will viciously defend a perspective that's clearly wrong... and even when called on their incorrect assertions, will continue to argue that it was "never their fault" because they were given incomplete or inaccurate information... by someone else.
And that seems to be another common thread: When called on their mistakes, these people inevitably can find external rationalizations that allows them to avoid being personally accountable.
How about YOU? How important is "being right" to you? Do you have any so-called "know it alls" in your life? Do you know anyone who will defend their right to be "wrong" in order to avoid having to admit their mistake (other than kids!)? What do you think causes this behavior in people? Do you think it is malicious, or inadvertent and unplanned? Do they annoy you, or do you not care? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- start the conversation!
(As always, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise stated. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
¡Exactly! I agree and I also believe that that specifically must be the main reason. If you try to get them out of that illusory safe haven in which they believe they are, all you will do is make them feel vulnerable and helpless in the wild outdoors of reasoning.
Like a very curious scientist with a tirelessly inquiring mind always in search of the truth until its final consequences. Obviously I have stumbled upon a large number of these specimens almost all my life.
While, if I ever got caught up in some heated debate, I never really cared to establish whether I was right or not in my point of view, but on the contrary, what I have always sought is to convince myself otherwise.
Consequently, now that I am old enough for this shit anymore and after many years dealing with this stuff, I came to the conclusion that most of these "know it alls" and "blowhards" chaps that until now I have stumbled in my way, none of them deserve my attention. They always invariably begin to lose their patience and feel themselves cornered as their lexicon and the coherence of their scarce vocabulary become exhausted. Especially, in order to establish their point of view in the most illustrative and audiovisual way possible. Therefore, depending of their auto perceived authority position, influence, financial wealth and how deep their pockets are to hold money.. the only tangible and evident thing you could milk from their reckless being Is Just Wrath!!
On other hand, plenty times I've also been accused of being a "know it alls" myself, but the difference always has been that I have always been humble enough to show that I do not pretend to convince anyone about anything. That my only intention is to obtain more and more qualified information of the one that I own to hopefully approach a little more to the truth of the things or what is correct. I am more than an incurable open mind folk always waiting for coherent and eloquent feedback. Hence, my stance now to deal with these angry and embittered smart assess of which I am still surrounded nowadays, is simply talking to them with a very high dose of what already appears in the headline of my profile. }:)
Only thus can I anticipate the temperature and height of his incoming speech, if in advance they already understood the cryptic part of my message. ;)
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"I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong." That's funny!
Seems to me that as we get older, we also grow more willing to look at different perspectives... AND we become wise enough to choose the people we prefer to expend our energy on. I have far fewer "narrow minded blowhards" in my life than I used to... by choice. Because I no longer have any kind of inclination to have discussions or arguments with them... I can merely say "That's interesting" and move along.
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Discussion is always better than argument because argument is to find 'Who is right' and discussion is to find 'What is right' :)
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I know those kind of people, I believe it's how you grow up, but I can only guess what it is. Mostly it seems to me they have little self worth or trust. And I wouldn't trade my life or stand in their shoes. I like making mistakes, well not like, but I remind myself that I can make mistakes before I start something. At the same time I remind myself with my own saying: It has always, in the end, turned out good. So in the great scheme of things nothing is insurmountable. (I hope insurmountable is the good word) This gives me a relaxed feeling, confidence, and the joy of finding things out for myself by trial en error. By which you learn an enormous amount and try everything. Nothing is to crazy to do myself. I try to help other too find this too and not restrict themselves but you can not help others that much and people who live in the straight jacket of being right all the time are mostly not helpable, they will hide.
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I guess I just have very little attachment to "being right" or to things being done "my way." As long as everyone comes through a situation or event reasonably unscathed for the experience, I'm good with it. I am more interested in seeing that "the best" choice is made, regardless of whose idea that may have been.
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What if... in a situation, there is a way to do something, and there is a better way of doing something, but in explaining the better way, you come off negatively as "being right"- would you rather, come off "being right" or would you rather, leave it be. Thoughts?
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Although I may not always succeed, I always try to work towards the solution that IS best for the most people involved, independently of whether I happen to be right... or not. If people are attached to doing things a certain way, I'm happy to let them "self-discover" that their way wasn't so good... and we can come back for a re-do later.
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I will admit to struggling with this. I am a lawyer. My career consists of giving clients the right answer within my area of expertise. I try very hard not to be a "know-it-all" by doing two things. 1. Realize that my area of expertise is very limited and just because I have a great deal of knowledge in one area does not generally make me right in other areas. 2. Quickly admit when I am wrong. The lesson is one in humility. Even the most intelligent have important areas in which they have almost no knowledge or experience. For example, I am highly educated, but I feel lost in the crypto currency discussions that happen on Steemit and when my car breaks down I just open the hood and stare helplessly at the smoke slowly rising from a part that I cannot name. If we all knew all of the right answers already, Steemit would be almost useless to us. Thanks for reading.
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