Lifelessons: Coming to Terms with Being "The Responsible One"

"You were always the responsible one..."

It was a line in a recent email from one of my cousins back in Denmark... we were talking about growing up, and being teenagers, and getting into various kinds of trouble along the way.

Or not.

Even at 57, a tiny spark inside me felt... invalidated... put down, somehow... by that otherwise quite innocent side note in the email; a half-century of experiential filters interpreting those words to mean "You were always the BORING one..."

Truth... and lies we make up about ourselves

Truth be known, I have always been "the responsible one" among the rotating circle of people who have come through my life. It was true when I was seven, and it remains true, fifty years later.

I was always the one who could be counted on to remember things; to bring an extra tent when we went camping-- just in case unexpected friends showed up; the one who'd (quite willingly) be the designated driver in college; the one who made sure there actually was a UHaul truck rented on moving day; the one who showed up with bail money when someone did something really stupid.

I was also the one tasked with making sure we still "did the right thing" while we were in the middle of having fun and perhaps engaging in some really ill-advised activity. 

Conventional psychology would perhaps call me an anomaly, since I am an only child... which would typically suggest I should be quite selfish and incapable of thinking of anyone's well-being... aside from my own. 

Perhaps growing up with a pill-popping "functionally" alcoholic mother was actually good training... I had to "be the adult," very early in life.

Responsibility... and creating reality

Maybe I have just had a lot of very impulsive friends and family members; you know, the kind who suddenly "want to do insane thing X" and never give even a moment's thought to how that might affect their own-- or anyone else's-- life. 

Somehow, it often fell to me to be the one who created the underlying infrastructure; the "functional reality" that made some of those escapades even possible, without risking the loss of life and limb.

Truth be known, I sortof enjoyed the challenge of figuring out how to have something insanely risky come out way... and everyone escape unharmed, on the other side.

Once-- back in college-- a friend even managed to convince me that it would be "exciting" to actually walk into a tornado, "just to see what's in there."

No, I'm not kidding.

Yes, we actually did it. 

It was a very small tornado-- just an F-0 or maybe a weak F-1-- but we still did it-- with aviator goggles, helmets and kevlar lined coats borrowed from a friend at a fire station. We were wind-scoured and scratched, but essentially unharmed.

But I digress.

My friend would have run into that tornado wearing shorts and running shoes. 

Why do we think what we think?

Although this post is somewhat about some of my own wrestling with my inner demons... it's also a broader question: Why do we tend to-- as a society, as a species-- equate "responsible" with "boring?" 

I have not lived a boring life, by any figment of anyone's imagination. I am not (figuratively speaking) afraid of "playing with fire," but I will put on safety goggles when I do so. Because I wan't to still have eyes, tomorrow.

Objectively speaking, doesn't that actually make me wise... and the person who doesn't care... rash and foolhardy?

So why the backwards labeling and definitions?

"Not caring about the consequences suggests bravery!" some might argue.

Not so sure. Caring about the consequences of one's decisions suggests-- at least to me-- a basic desire to keep living. 

What do YOU think? Have you been called "the responsible one?" Or are you the free-spirited daredevil? Have you ever considered whether "being responsible" is a compliment... or a slight? Which do you think it is? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!

(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Created at 20170826 23:57 PDT