It has been a long time since my last post, and my diagnosis for the holdup is two-part: 1) I’m not yet the sole owner of my time and labor, and 2) I struggle with wanting what I create in my free time to be flawless.
Each reason likely warrants its own article, but I suspect that I had better own up to the personal struggle prior to addressing concerns with society at large. Suffice to say for now, though, that perfectionism is not solely to blame for my (and others’) experience of excessive limitation on the sharing of talents. The requirement that most of our work goes to “making a living” is a poignant starting place for that exploration.
Nonetheless, during my clinical internship, I had a wonderful supervisor who keenly observed that where procrastination is found anxiety (and perfectionism) are typically not far away. This was true for a good number of the students at the college counseling center of my internship, but I suspect it to be more ubiquitous. In any scenario, the mechanics seem straightforward but insidious: the time required for production of something creative grows considerably with each added degree or dimension of improvement. As the degree of improvement I seek approaches perfection, the rationality of (and motivation for) beginning the work dwindles tremendously as a function of how little a fraction of the (potentially infinite) total can be accomplished during each individual sitting. Being probably unable or unwilling to accept that, though, I find myself engaging in frequent “false-starts” and prolonged amounts of time fully engaged in neither work nor relaxation.
As a therapist I find that the injunction to treat oneself with compassion and forgiveness can be very healing. For instance, granting myself permission to produce something “half-assed” (or maybe more in the neighborhood of 70% effort if such a thing were quantifiable) is an effective way to get the ball rolling. Further, and exemplified by this blog, granting myself the liberty to write something contestable (with the option of later owning up to error) also helps. While this places me in a position of some vulnerability (which, of itself, may not be the worst of things) it also facilitates dialogue.
Much is gained in the exercise of humility, particularly as an antidote to the less-healthy portion of narcissism tied to our personal creations. That said, there is something not fully satisfying in leaving the story there. How cheapened might our gifts be by an overly sharp humility? Might we risk understating what we have that is of value for sharing? Should I write off the look of defeat I see when some patients are presented with permission to “half-ass?”
As seems to be the case with most worthwhile issues and dilemmas, I suspect that the solution requires the capacity for dialectical thinking; namely, that we approach the problem not as either perfectionistic change or compassionate self-acceptance but both/and. Put differently, this could amount to an embrace of the prospect for work that is both infinitely precious/valuable and infinitely small/inconsequential. The paradigm, while unintuitive, is powerful and recurrent across countless wisdom traditions. For those new to the concept, I recommend checking out Marsha Linehan’s work for application of dialectic thinking to the therapy process and authors of the more philosophical/theological bent like Ken Wilber and Richard Rohr in discussion of non-dual thinking. The mathematically inclined might enjoy discussion of the prospective centrality of paradox, e.g., to mindedness, in Douglas Hofstadter’s writing.
In any cas3 I Hoppe ths blogg wills be both practus in humility and of some use to someone simultaneously. Feedback and dialogue are welcome!
Sincerely,
The Independent Professor