Depression: A Terrible Illness to Have

I'm honestly thrilled to see that there is more awareness about depression and other mental illnesses out there. There is less stigma attached to it than there used to be. In fact I am getting the impression that most people realize that depression sufferers are not lazy, or are not choosing to be pessimistic. Enough talk is happening about depression that most people know it's an illness. However, plenty more work has to be done about properly educating others about depression.

I still feel that when the average person thinks about depression, they may immediately associate it with someone who is always locked in a room or bedridden. Perhaps they may even think that people who suffer from depression always have suicidal thoughts. Some people may even think that individuals who suffer from depression are not able to function at all.

I will tell you right now, what I had written in the paragraph above may be true for a percentage of depression sufferers. However, that certainly is not the case with everyone who has the illness.

I suffer from depression. In fact I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and I am treatment resistant medication wise. I have been to different therapists for years and some were more helpful than others. Yet I am not always locked in a room, bedridden, suicidal and I am quite functional.

I am working part time and have a side freelance business. I am not in debt and I don't overspend. I do make sure my bills are paid on time and I try to keep my home tidy. I make sure the needs of my kids are met.

However I am at a point where I have no choice other then to transition my autistic son to a residential vocational school and group home for kids. He needs the structure to be successful and I need to care for my mental health as much as I can. I can't help him anymore other than placing him in an environment that will help him. I need to be completely present for my daughter since she is at a tricky stage in life. Even though I am doing well considering I have this condition, there is still room for improvement.

I said before that I don't overspend, but I am an emotional eater. After losing a little bit of weight I immediately self sabotage. My thoughts are for the most part pessimistic and I have to constantly shift my thinking. I wear black all of the time and I don't like how I appear. I am withdrawn but I try to see some acquaintances for lunch or coffee at times.

I am sure I had depression even as a child because I was withdrawn and constantly down. I was picked on in middle school and always had low self esteem.

After my daughter was born I became severely depressed and was diagnosed with post partum depression. Therapy and time helped. And after my son diagnosed with autism my depression even became worse.

I'm quite sure I ended up with a diagnosis of severe clinical depression because I do have a chemical imbalance but situational depression was mixed in there.

I function as well as I do because I have to force myself. Otherwise I will be worse off. Like I said I need to be completely present for my daughter because high school is not an easy time. I want to take better care of myself without struggling to do so. I want to be better. And it sucks that I have to work harder than anyone who doesn't have depression to do that. Believe me I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But this is the hand I was dealt and I have to win it.

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