“Each generation of adults has a choice to pass on traditions of violence and fear—or refuse to do so.” ― Dale McGowan,Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond BeliefParents, when your children question authority and break arbitrary rules, they are not necessarily "bad" and you did not fail them. Many naysayers will condemn you for being too "permissive," but that is only because they are petty tyrants and control freaks.
The ability to challenge people with power is a sign independence and intelligence. It is a trait parents should nurture. It means that child does not want to be another obedient drone. Instead, that child wants to be a freethinker. A maverick. An anarchist. That child has a sense of freedom and courage that this world desperately needs.
I Celebrate You for Raising Anti-Authoritarian Children
If your child follows this path, you should praise them and celebrate your parenting. If you would have shit out a lemming, the world would just have another carbon copy of a drooling automaton running around. Tragically, most kids grow up to fit this programmed mold.
They will want easy, simple lives as adults. They will want things to be superficial. They will silently obey and submit their soul to their masters. They will feign freedom. They will be pleasant serfs, who fake happiness to get along. They will be alive, but walking comatose.
Therefore, I salute you for raising anti-authoritarian children.
Rejoice for birthing and training a child with a yearning for liberty and peace. And laugh at those neanderthals who compel you to micromanage your child and hit them when they "step out of line." Love the fact that you put another decent human being into this sometimes sickening world of Statist mayhem.
In this video I Debunk the Myth of the "Bad" Child:
My name is Sterlin. Follow me @ Psychologic-Anarchist. I also run the Psychologic-Anarchist Facebook page and produce many YouTube videos. My interests lie in the intersection of counseling psychology and anarchism. I write about the depredations of psychiatry, and also the new philosophy of compassionate anarchism. We have a large community devoted to discussing psychology and relational voluntaryism.
Completely agree and I give my son every chance to make decisions on his own and think through questions and problems ( natural teaching through directed questions since he's only 3 ).
But all of that said, the hardest thing I face as a parent so far has been where to draw lines? It's actually not easy at all to know when to step in or when to let them fail. Sometimes it may be dangerous, sometimes not.
Beating them isn't in my playbook, but that's remarkably easy to see how ineffective fear based control would be long term.
Do you have children? I only ask because people who haven't or aren't actively raising children aren't people I would generally seek advice from on the matter. If you do have kids, what age are they and how have you seen your techniques played out in their life?
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However, we need to raise children who understand and respect boundaries. Too often, "challenging people with power" can encourage a level of entitlement that gives rise to abusive and corrosive treatment of others. As a parent, I raised my children to be independent free thinkers but I also raised them to be respectful adults. I taught them the difference between aggressive questioning and true questioning that is borne out of curiosity. I too wonder if SterlinLuxan has children and tend to disregard comments made by non-parents although he's noted several important points in his post including the need to raise independent-thinking children who will be encouraged to grow into their true selves.
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My son has a tendency to try and talk over adults when they're talking and that is one thing I jump on him about.
Wow is that important. Never considered that distinction, though I've spent more than enough time in forums to recognize the difference hah. Thank you for that.
Glad I'm not the only one wondering the same :)
I'm going to start contributing more to the #parenting channel. You should join, @florentina!
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@blakemiles84, I never knew the distinction either until I married a man with a personality disorder and noticed how he "questioned" his kids. His so-called curiosity was intended to intimidate and emotionally manipulate his children and it resulted in them feeling shamed, defensive and confused. To my dismay, these kids themselves began using aggressive questioning as they entered their teens as a way to assert authority within the family. My own kids would become confused, then angry, at their step siblings and eventually became more guarded in their responses. I recall explaining the difference between aggressive questioning and true questioning at a "family meeting" but my ex mocked me the entire time and told me that my kids and I were too sensitive. I believe more than ever that the path to a better future and a more just society begins with raising children with intelligence, empathy and deep love. I did the best I could when I was a young mother but oh, to be able to go back twenty years and do it all over again knowing what I know now? I would, in a heartbeat.
Thanks, I'll check out the parenting channel!
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After reading your comment @florentina , I wanted to say that I am glad you didn't stoop down to your ex's level. The pressure others give us is a huge part of some of societies issue. Some can get under the skin and make us give in (because they make others feel it is supposed to be that way, whether we like it or not). I am glad to hear there ARE parents who follow their heart. For that reason, your kids will get further in life and know how to handle things. Your step-kids will only know how to handle things aggressively and that is not good. I also like that you said you would do it all over again :-) I still to this day, feel guilt about the few times I spanked my son. I will never be able to forget the look on his face (that was the last time I hit him). He is not afraid of me, but it took a few years to overcome that, anytime he did something I was not ok with. I hope these posts help others.
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We are seeing that in society right now -- a horrible, malignant sense of entitlement among millennials and gen x-ers. I believe that a balance should be struck and maintained when raising one's kids -- if you're going to punish them for doing something wrong, explain why what they did was wrong and then explain how the punishment fits whatever transgression they committed. Blindly saying "because I said so" doesn't cut it and will just piss off the kid (I know it pissed me off whenever my parents said "because I said so."
Telling your kids to blindly question authority and give the proverbial finger to every single authority figure they come across, and to encourage them to be disobedient little hellions is no good either.
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Well, I personally wouldn't call it rejoicing in raising a "bad" child. My kids and I have survived each other (to put it nicely without going into detail). I love their independent thinking and we have great conversations and debates because of their wit. But bad behavior wasn't tolerated because I had 2 levels: The LAW, and The RULES. Rules could be bent if they had a solid argument against them. LAWS were not to be broken. In society, if they have a compelling argument that I could be on board with, then I fully support civil disobedience :) Thanks for the thought-provoking post!
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You could not be more accurate on the outcome of those who were abused. I grew up in a time when people did not care, or think twice about what they were doing. The outcome it had on me was the inability to trust anyone and for years made me suffer very low self-esteem. I vowed to change/break that cycle with my own child, and I hope gets passed down from him too. A little part of me still is on the side of discipline (as a last resort). I hope it is not so ingrained in me that I cannot teach him how to raise kids without physical pain. Kids learn by mistakes they make just as much as they learn from positive outcomes (hope that makes sense).. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us @sterlinluxan
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You are welcome, Pixie. And I want to thank you for divulging such personal information. Because of your ability to self-disclose your experiences, it makes you a valuable asset to this community. Thank you for sharing your understanding and knowledge. I look forward to your responses on my posts.
Keep practicing peaceful parenting, and your last resorts will be less and less!
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The last resort outcome has been hindsight for almost 10 yrs now for us. It's just the single digits that I found hardest as they are at the testing limits age. I truly hope these posts help others, especially when someone can talk about their own experiences.
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I think what is most terrible is most often these parents are doing it out of fear their child will reveal something about their parenting. Meaning just that they are forced into a mold and it has nothing to do with the child. Just parents worrying about other parents.
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Agreed. There is a TON of social pressure put on parenting.
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That is true. In this regard, parents have to have gumption to tell other people their intentions and explain the reasoning. But if they can do this with compassionate communication, it may come across better.
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I'm on a fence about most of it. I was afraid of my old man and i know i dont want my boys afraid of me.
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I am sorry that happened to you. I hope you can create an environment where your boys cherish you and they are free to be human. Let me know if you need anything.
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I appreciate that. Most of my post here so far are about my young boys. Take a look at how cute they are. Best wishes.
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superb post
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Thanks a bunch. It was fun to write. One of my favorite and most important topics.
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hi I really love your post I will be featuring it today in my daily pick of hidden gems
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https://steemit.com/life/@dragonslayer109/daily-pick-of-hidden-gems-24 here is where i will be featuring your post
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Thanks a lot, Dragon Slayer!
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but that is not in the interest of the state... ;)
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True. That it is not.
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I am so glad to have found you through Steemit, Sterlin. How we raise our kids defines our world. I'm going to spend a big chunk this weekend going through a bunch of your videos, and can't wait to dive in deeper into the most important topic that no one talks about. Thanks for all the work you do and have done, you're amazing :)
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Hey Derek. What you said here means a lot to me, because I put a lot of effort and energy into my content. Thank you for enjoying it and getting involved with it. I really appreciate it. Let me know if you need anything or have any questions. Cheers.
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After watching a couple videos so far from the beginning, I certainly have a couple of questions, but I want to watch more and save them as you likely have already addressed them.
Stef's Bomb in the Brain series got me to understand the importance of this topic years ago, and it has always been at the forefront of my mind. I try to work this stuff into conversations with friends without them even realizing it, by trying to nudge our talk towards how we treat people and how we treat kids, rather than the hot political topic of the day.
This is just really great stuff so far and already opens up so many more avenues for when I talk to people about these things.
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Is this the book you reference in your Agorism video?
https://www.amazon.com/Choice-Theory-Psychology-Personal-Freedom/dp/0060930144/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1471112754&sr=8-1&keywords=william+glasser
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Yep. That's it! Great book.
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Hey Sterlin, I gave you a shoutout in my new post about education on the blockchain. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the idea!
https://steemit.com/steemituniversity/@derekareith/steemit-university-emergent-education
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I completely agree that freedom is necessary for a child to find their own way in this world. I can totally relate to this and being having raised this way, I was able to make my own decisions assertively when the time came. It was because of this free-thinking attitude that my dad promoted, that I was able to get out of the rat race and build something of my own.
Having said that, I also feel that parents should be there for their children to analyze how there actions turned out--kind of mentorship if you will. Not to enforce anything, but to share their experiences. I firmly believe that we can learn a lot from sharing with our parents.
Good to see so many people promoting this kind of attitude in their children. Thanks for the post man!
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Well said, @adisharma29.
I also believe that shared experiences and feelings are important. And I don't doubt that we can learn a lot from our parents. We just have to be wary of boundaries, and make certain we are not sharing damaging experiences or otherwise violating our children.
And likewise, I am glad that people like you on Steemit share my sentiment. Thanks for the beautiful comment.
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I agree, damaging experiences are detrimental to any child who has not experienced them.
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I agree here as well. Parents should make the most out of every opportunity to allow their child to develop and progress on their own without authoritarian discipline. Experience is the best teacher, and I can honestly say that is how I learned from my mistakes. I think the key as parents is to be involved in all aspects of our children's lives, encourage them to think for themselves, and be independent members of our society.
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These kids will be the future I tell you
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That they will. That they will.
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Thoroughly agree. Related thing: The writings of http://www.janetlansbury.com/ and other RIE practitioners have been very valuable for me and my partner so far in navigating the practicalities of respectfully caring for a son with a healthy tendency for disobedience.
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Thank you for sharing this information @bitbutter. I will look into this individual. Never heard of her.
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You're welcome!
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Upvoted just in the nick of time.
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Excellent post @sterlinluxan.
I did an entire radio interview based on a similar topic dubbed "Parenting vs. Partnering" you can find it here:
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Sweet thanks for sharing this!
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Children are not just innocent as you see them. They bring with them karma and fate from past lives.
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Interesting thought, but I don't really believe in karma from past lives. And I think believing in this could be dangerous, if it automatically makes us look at our children with suspicious. Just a friendly caution.
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I am a parent of a 5 year old and I will give her all the opportunities and freedom in her life that I didn't get... Ofcourse being a parent we always have a fear whether our children will take wrong path.. will be there to guide her through it..
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Absolutely. I am certain you are correct. We just want to make sure we do not exacerbate that wrong path by not nurturing freethinking, compassion, and nonviolence.
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Fantastic. I have 3 superbly unconventional children. Question, question, question!
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Did you draw that at the end? looks alot like you :P
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@kaylinart drew it! ;)
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Smart and talented :)
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So how does one define 'free thinking?' When 'liberals'(communists) use that term they don't actually mean 'free' they mean only what they agree with.
It's time for a global Bill of Rights
http://www.freekentucky.com/no-sacred-cows-or-a-new-global-bill-of-rights/
We can send the sacred, or scared, cows to Australia
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Hi everyone I'm new here,
Can you Follow me? I follow you back Thanks :)
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Good post sterlinluxan! I agree our society is completely lost in the old "toon town rhetoric", as I like to call it. Most parents feel that their child should do what society feels is right and wrong, and from that we have been merely given a set of toon town rules that we all should follow. Children naturally want to be independent, so I feel parenting should be a mix of dependent and independent situations where the child has the ability to think and act for themselves.
This will ultimately create a child who can hold their own weight in this gym we call the world. Now this doesn't exclude the need for boundaries, since if a parent does not provide them then the child will do whatever it wants to. The line should always be drawn with mutual respect for everyone, and let's not forget that as parents we have to show it.
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Excellent post, and one to which I can totally relate. Whenever there is a news article online about a kid somewhere questioning authority and doing something about changing things that SHOULD be changed, I always see a bunch of comments from people who say the child should just "shut up and learn to follow the rules," or telling the parents they are bad parents for encouraging their children to question and stand up to authority. These are people who are obviously perfectly happy being part of the society of automatons our government wishes to create, and want children to fall in line.
I hate that way of thinking. Authority SHOULD be questioned, no matter the age of the child, if the child inherently feels something is not right, or is genuinely curious why something is a certain way. Children are people, too, and have every right to question authority.
It is our job as parents to guide them in this questioning, so they know how to do it respectfully and peacefully as adults. When I was a kid, my mother used to tell me I could do anything I wanted to do, as long as I could figure out a way to do it myself. When I felt other adults were not treating me fairly and questioned it, she always took my side, and would approach those adults for me, or sometimes with me, to explain why I would not be falling in line with their demands, and why I had her full support on it.
As a custodial step-parent in my early 20's, my husband and I raised his three boys to question authority, and also stood up for them when situations called for it, just like my mother did for me. We are adopting a child together, and I plan to raise her the same way. I WANT her to ask questions, and stand up for her rights as a person, no matter her age. It is my job to guide her in how she approaches the questioning, and any actions she takes to change things.
This is not to say children shouldn't have rules, as they need some. But, we kept the rules minimal and reasonable with my step-sons, and will do the same for our daughter.
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