CHANGE OR SELF-LOVE - WHAT IS BETTER?

I would like to be able to read even faster.

I want to be even better in swimming.

I want to be a person who is more consistent with his goals.

I want, I want, I want ... I could continue this list for a long time.

Perhaps it is quite similar to you.

I have at least a lot of productive unrest in me. I am always motivated to become better in certain things.

No matter where this motivation comes from, all these "I want" statements are one thing in common: They describe a point in our lives where we are not quite satisfied with ourselves. Where we would like more or would like more.

And when I was thinking about my constant motivation and my many wishes, I thought:

Does this long list mean I have a problem with accepting myself as I am?

Development through motivation

Most of us have something in life where they think: I'd like to do better. Or: I would like to learn.

And on the one hand this is good and right, because through this dissatisfaction with ourselves, we are also developing as human beings.

Someone who immediately goes to the ceiling, if something bother him, perhaps learns to breathe only three times before. Someone who is chaotic and always loses his key, so learns to take good care of his most important things.

To be dissatisfied with oneself, that makes sense at one place or another.

Satisfaction by self-acceptance

But there is also the other side. The page that tells us: You're all right, the way you are. You should accept yourself as you are. Do not expect so much from you. Do not put yourself so under pressure. It's ok to be angry. It is not OK to be a decent person.

To accept oneself seems to be the real solution to all our problems. Because we learn to be content with what we are and what we have.

With the self-acceptance it is a little like with our health: self-acceptance is not everything, but without self-acceptance is nothing.

If you can not stand yourself, you can be healthy, have lots of friends and a great partner, and also beautiful, rich, powerful and otherwise ... and yet unhappy at the end of the day. Quite simply, because this person does not like himself for all reasons despite all the great conditions.

To accept and to accept oneself is unquestionably a very central aspect in order to be happy.

But is this alone the answer to all our problems? That we learn to accept the things we are dissatisfied with instead of changing them?

More self-sufficiency = less motivation?

I also wonder what happens to my motivation to develop myself when I can fully accept myself as I am?

Here's a little thought experiment: Imagine how great it would be if you could fully accept and like yourself in all aspects of your life, just as you are now.

So also, that you are chronically always too late. Also, that you have been a few kilos too much draufhast and your pants no longer. Also, you might just do a job that does not really make sense to you. Whatever it may be for you ...

Just imagine, you could just accept it all. It would not bother you any more. You have concluded your peace internally.

What happens to your motivation to change you? Is not this then completely defective? Because if I accept myself as I am, why should I still be motivated to change?

If I can accept myself completely, as I am, I may become someone who is no longer developed in life. To accept myself, that would possibly rob me of any drive.

The balance makes it

I myself am as I said, rather, someone who wants to be constantly in something better. Who is constantly running any "learning or development project". And as I said, I never had the feeling that this inner impulse of me means that I am unhappy with myself.

On the contrary, I feel quite happy with it. It is a lot of fun for me to constantly learn and grow. I pull out for me very much satisfaction.

On the other hand, I also know the profound fulfillment that can give us just to be happy in the here and now. Not to strive for something, but to be thoughtful at the moment and simply to enjoy his life.

Both paths have strong arguments on their side. Both paths definitely have their right.

Perhaps it is just as with so many questions of life "the golden mean" that is best for us: motivation is good as long as you do not shoot beyond the goal and do not condemn yourself that something is certain or not still can not.

But how can such an equilibrium be achieved?

The perspective of a sculptor

I personally help with a certain picture in my head, which I would like to share with you. A picture that represents for me a healthy relationship of self-acceptance and motivation: the look of a sculptor.

This is about a sculptor and his stone block. The sculptor has an unfinished stone block in front of him. And he regards this stoneblock as something entirely individual. This sculptor manages to see something even more exciting in the largest and most shapeless stone block, which he can make of it.

He would never come to the idea of ​​condemning or cursing the stone block for its size, color or form. And he would never wish to have another stone block before him. But he simply works with what this particular stone offers him.

This is the art of a sculptor who regards his stone block as something special, something beautiful and at the same time a challenge.

Let us try to keep the eye of a sculptor, in spite of the desire to be better. So we can both appreciate the stone for what it is. For its natural beauty. But at the same time have fun working on it.

Look at yourself with the same look. Be worthy of yourself for what you are. And if you see something in you, follow this vision of yourself and follow your motivation.

Some stones are simply beautiful, just as they are. All this is entirely in the eye of the beholder ;-)