Earlier today, I saw this posted on Instagram a meme on Instagram that summarized something that had been sinking in for several weeks now. The image is the following:

I suffered from destination addiction from as far back as I can remember. I have always fantasized about the next moment. I'm what some would call a "dreamer". My present life would be in shambles, because I'm living for the day everything will be OK.

I think it started when I was a kid in a home where physical violence was used to correct and discipline and compassionate connection was hard to find. Television and books were my escape. I became really good at seeing what was wrong in any environment, and spent a lot of time trying to find ways to fix those problems.

I became really good at trying to fix other people's problems, but leaving my own problems a mess.

So, the first lesson, that I am learning is that this is your moment.

Be present. Be vulnerable. Learn to trust again. Trust the process, and most of all, Trust in the love of God.

Act now, and even if it's not perfect. It's still OK. You will learn. It won't break you.

Mind Reading

The second lesson, I am learning is to be vulnerable.

I have a bad habit of trying to guess people's intentions.

I think it came from having a father who was very hard on his kids without always making it easy for his kids to anticipate and address the source of his grievance, as well as punishing his children for childlike behavior. (i.e. expecting children to act like adults and punishing them when they do not)

My father died in 2002, but some of the scars are still there. Some people don't heal from their scars until they are 98 years old at a Tony Robbins seminar.

I talk too much, now.

I explain too much now.

I try to make people feel better about things that are none of my business.

I over invest in other people's problems.

But all of this assumes that I either know or need to find out the source of other people's problems.

I am extremely sensitive to other people's pain.

It hurts too much to listen to the pain of others sometimes.

And even if they tell me, I can't just listen. I have to do something...even if it's to shut that person out of my life, because it's too painful. (which is rare)

I'm also afraid of getting hurt.

So, I walk away. I end conversations before the other person has a chance to say "I can't talk any more." (in other words "I don't want to talk to you anymore. You're boring/irritating."

I talk around the point alot.

I spend a lot of time trying to perfect my method of communicating my thoughts, and often I ramble.

All this to say, I am learning another lesson, which is to wait and listen.

Don't reach out too quickly.

Let them come to you.

Prayerfully listen to them and their needs.

Prayerfully consider your response.

Continue living your life.

And though I am learning these lessons, it is a daily struggle to implement what I have learned.