Lets Talk About Needs, Expectations and Demands

in psychotherapy •  7 years ago 

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Let's Talk About Needs: The need for something involves the necessity of what we need. Satisfying needs is necessary for survival, survival. We need to bring oxygen, food, sleep, etc. If we do not satisfy our needs, we will damage our health or not survive. Therefore, the need implies necessity, necessity. On the other hand, wanting something does not mean that what we want is necessary for survival or good health. We can want everything, everything we think will bring us pleasure. When it comes to relationships with other people, we usually want to be loved, accepted, successful in something, and so on. These are all legitimate desires and goals. But is it really necessary for us to be loved, accepted, successful, etc.? It's not. Why? Because if we do not realize our wishes, we will not die or damage our health. If we achieve our wishes we will be satisfied and if we do not realize them we will be dissatisfied or frustrated. But it still lives.


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What is Expectation: Expectation is the assumption that we will achieve a certain goal, that someone will behave in a certain way, that we will succeed in something, etc. Expectation includes the assumption of a positive outcome, but not necessity, the necessity of such an outcome. Expectation arises from desire. When our expectations are not realized, we feel disappointed, dissatisfied or frustrated, but not depressed, anxious, panicked or furious. Why? Because expectation is not the same as the absolute requirement. Absolute demands implies that a person thinks that certain events must occur, that someone has to behave in a certain way, and so on. The absolute requirement implies morality, necessity, necessity. Unlike expectations that implies something desirable to happen but does not have to happen, an absolute requirement implies that it must. When a person asks something absolutely and the reality is a denial, a person can introduce himself into unhealthy feelings of anger, anxiety, or depression.


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And Demand: Contrary to apsolutistic demands that are irrational (because they are harmful, illogical and unrealistic) there are rational conditional requirements. A conditional requirement implies that a person has to do something if he wants to achieve a goal and the like. An example of a conditional request is the following statement: If I want to pass the exam, I have to learn. This type of request is completely rational. But do I have to pass the exam? Not. If I think that I have to pass an exam at all costs, I set myself an absolute requirement, and if something is found on the way to achieving that goal, I will be create anxiety in this way.

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Nice post @azizbd

Thank you @remoc