Independence: day zero

This was the day I announced my resignation to my manager and department director. I could not take it back (theoretically) or discuss it over. It was already talked through and the decision was taken with higher management involved, so the job was half done. What was actually left was to .. well leave in a month. That day I cried my eyes out. The joy of being true to myself and do something that was risky as hell but most certainly was what I needed.
Flash back in the job days, my business analysis role was what I was aiming for when returning to my home city. I couldn’t believe that coming from a high tech ecosystem in Amsterdam I would be so lucky to find a job that really fitted my skills and needs. It was an international company with high scale projects in every possible sector of social and economic industry. I would be able to perform analysis activities and be in close collaboration with business and development teams for the execution of the different components of the projects. The first year and a half was really interesting with looooads of information on the business part of the job since the information was massive and I would find myself reading pages and pages of European legislation on the specific business. The involvement with technical teams was zero since that part didn’t really require coding or architectural design. After 2 years I was starting to get tired of the same iteration of information and the fact that I wouldn’t jump to the technical pool to get my hands dirty was making me less motivated. I realized that the technologies to which I was exposed were old fashioned legacy systems and I didn’t develop any skills anymore. The work flow had its ups and downs varying from periods where we were expecting for client feedback for prolonged time to periods where we would stay weekends working. The involved stakeholders were so many that it was chaotic to streamline all of them (hence the delays) and I was missing the fast-paced iterations of requirements gathering. Sometimes it would take weeks of discussions and email exchanges to simply change a format of data for example. That is not to be criticized, it was just not my favorite line of work, getting lost in the bureaucratic labyrinth. I was feeling that I would thrive in a more up to -tech- speed environment. I am a person that likes to get things done, execute fast and efficiently and stay at the tip of my toes. I value creative work as much as dirty tasks that simply “have to be done” but I need a variation of the two in my career. Accountability and responsibility do not scare me and I if anything else, reliability is what defines me the most. Thinking all that, one year ago I started contemplating the possibility to leave and take the risk of being free, jobless and as skilled as I was.
One would wonder WHY ON EARTH couldn’t you search for something else or explore your options while still being employed. We are going through tough times and resigning is not so smart sister. Unless your parents are able to support you (who are not) or you have a loving partner that will provide for you (whom I don’t) or have won the lottery (no need to comment that). The plain truth and most obvious one is that I didn’t have the time to do that while working. I am an active person trying to joggle between work, physical activities, social events, friends and family, culture and art. Additionally, being at work 8 hours a day, strained a lot my mental resources which I most definitely need to use to explore my professional options, acquire new skills, experiment and test my boundaries. In order to make this a fast-forward process, I realized I had to free these 9 hours. Releasing time from my other activities and keeping my 9-5 job would result in me working 12 hours a day and getting a burnout in zero time.
So, what had to be drafted first and foremost was an exit plan. My dear friend, do not leave your job if there is not even a single exit plan in place. Not because you will starve to death or the end of the world would come. But you will be scared and if you are scared you’ll get panicked and this will only cause you to act abnormally, going back to your former employer or quickly getting another job that will keep you even more busy or a million other moves that people make when they are not safe and calm. This eventually will disorientate you from the goal of looking into yourself, finding who you are and what you want and putting gracefully yourself out to the world.
Lesson number one would be to start saving some money as soon as possible or find in advance a part time job that will keep the payroll flowing. Do not aim for high amounts as this will take time and effort. As I said, time is crucial, and this is all you need for this move. You leave yourself some time and space to unfold and show you where to move towards. It will work I promise just keep calm.
Make a spreadsheet with all your expenses for the months to come and how you plan on covering them. The money will be less that what you are used to, but a good planning will save the day/months/year. Be prepared to allocate all the possible expenses to the financial source that will cover it. For example, when I received my vacation bonus I put it aside to pay for my car taxes of the coming year. I kept an emergency amount in case needed. I made sure my health insurance is up and running. The monthly fixed expenses are withdrawn from the monthly budget etc.
Lesson number two. Be prepared to compromise and/or lose something. I had to lose my apartment, returning to my parents’ house until I am more financially secure to leave again. My weekly dinners and drinks with my friends will be reduced to once a month. Cheaper choices like coffees with my friends in my house terrace will take place more often instead of going out and spending money. Trips abroad will have to be added last in the queue. Shopping? hm don’t you have enough clothes already? Need equipment for your work? Used ones would do just fine. Minimize expenses as low as it can get.
This is heavy to handle especially in your 30s and when you are used to spending whatever you want, but true tears of joy deserve some compromises.
A good starting point before initiating this difficult and long path of reconstructing your career would be a well-deserved vacation. This would serve as the fuel in your engine that will keep you going especially in hard days when you would be wondering “god what have I done”. I doesn’t have to be something expensive and glamorous, even one week of doing absolutely nothing and watching the sunsets from your window I believe would do.