Quitting Day 24 (Submit to the Vape)

24d 0h 14m Saved -$92.00

Gums & Teeth: 100% Breathing: 97%

Energy Level: 97% In Love:100%

I'm smoke-free!!! Yes, I gave in and got a vape hence the negative amount saved. I call it Ironman, so I guess you can say Ironman saved the day. I know I switched one habit for another, but it's a far better habit than smoking cigarettes. Being smoke-free is only the third thing I'm most excited about.

2nd most exciting thing in my life. I love my new career. I get to help people accomplish their dreams. Sounds cheesy I know and really all I do is talk to people. Which is what I'm good at anyway. I've gained a genuine sincerity over the last year to get to know people and what drives them to live in this dark unforgiving world. They inspire me. It's amazing what you learn when you are open to people and they open up in front of you. When you speak of your pains and trials. A new world opens and these stories of tenacity and endurance come forth. Stories you could write movies about. I've realized most people are heroes and more beautiful than you could ever imagine or than they could ever fathom. What they keep from the world could inspire millions. I'm impressed and excited every day. I no longer wake up disappointed that I didn't die in my sleep. I spent so much time wanting to die to slip into the darkness where my demons would leave me be. I've realized that almost everyone is dealing with the same demons and by simply speaking the demon's name we diminish its power over us. We join a family instantaneously that is ready to fight these demons together. Through love for humanity, I have found the key to love for myself. Thank you to everyone who has shared their pain with me. I no longer feel alone, unwanted and unloved.

I'm most excited and happy to announce I have found love. She is incredible. She wants me and I want her. Neither of us needs the other. We are to complete humans dancing alongside one another and working together to reach new heights. She can handle my intensity and revels in my thoughts. Which even I at times find scary and overpowering. She is beautiful beyond words mostly with her mind, but also with her body. She is so talented. She has an ability to see the inspiration, loveliness, and pain in people. She captures this in photos. I have no idea how and I'm in awe of it. She is a refreshing cold glass of water after months in the dry hot desert. I have felt this deeply before and I longed for it ever since. I thought I would never find it again. This time is different and it's because this time I don't need love. I now love myself. She is the amazing, tasty, exciting, thrilling, sexy cherry on top of the ice cream sundae of self-love. Together we will change the world and spread elation and joy through acceptance of agony and sorrow. I'm not only looking forward to the bright future but every day and every hour. The only pain she brings to me is the pain when we are not together.

Well enough about my happy life and the brightness I have found. Let's talk about something dark, horrible and horrific. After all, it can't always be puppies and rainbows. It's time we talked frankly about sexual abuse and the epidemic facing our society that is perpetuated by our silence and inability to accept that it is happening on a mass scale. What I've learned from the openness is that the majority have been either abused or sexually abused. 1 in 5 are reported, that does not include all the unreported cases and most go unreported. I know everyone can get behind preventing child abuse and sexual abuse. No one wants to see it continue. What I'm going to ask goes beyond that. The best solution to preventing it is to talk about it. Open up let people know what happened to you. They and you need to know that we are not alone. That we need to seek therapy and process the abuse. The misunderstanding leads to the worst possible outcome repeating. I know not all people that are abused repeat, but enough do apparently that it's become a national health concern. Even if they don't repeat there are so many mental health concerns affecting the public due to abuse. We are walking around feeling unsafe, depressed and anxiety-ridden. It's no wonder we have a drug epidemic. Everyone is trying to numb away the pain whether it's conscious or subconscious. Oprah opened up this issue for women when she was brave enough to open up and be honest about her personal abuse.

When it comes to men, who are more common repeaters, it's even worse. We are men and men are strong and just need to grow a pair. We don't talk about our feelings and emotions that is for little girls and wussies. If you go to a therapist for your emotions you're not a real man. The second reason sexual abuse is worse for men is that often it's a man that was the abuser. Our bodies betray us and it feels pleasure and this is confusing. They don't want to speak of their abuse because "I'm not gay". Let me tell you that it is a normal body function to feel pleasure. Here is my crude and effective way to get this point a crossed "It doesn't matter who is jerking you off eventually you are going to cum". This reason cause men to never seek treatment and never speak of their abuse. Not all repeat and I'm very proud of you for not continuing. I personally can't even say I didn't repeat. I abused a young girl when I was 13 to 15 years old. It wasn't that I was attracted to little girls it was a smell. I liked boobs as much as any teenage boy. I racked myself with self-hate and shame for 20 years for doing what I did. It's very difficult for me to admit even now. The self-hate and shame was effective at making it so I never repeated again and by the time I was 18 I didn't even notice the smell anymore. The smell is one of the most insidious designs I've ever heard of now that I know what it is. It's the pheromone that children let off to say love me or help me. It's like blood in the water for perps. You see when you are abused you no longer have that boundary in your mind that disconnects love from sex. Most perps brains are wired wrong because of their own abuse. I used self-hate and shame to build that boundary and I went 20 years thinking I was a monster. Although I agree my actions were monstrous I am personally not a monster. I've now released the self-hate and shame and built the boundary in a healthy way through a shit ton of therapy. There is no excuse for what I did, but there is an explanation why I was inclined to do so and that is why we as a society need to talk about this issue because feeling alone is only going to exacerbate the issue and breed even more perps. Let's use compassion even for the perps so we can find a cure. Not simply treat the symptoms.

I love you all