My Little Rant

Why am I so unhappy? Since when have I felt this way? I can't actually pinpoint when it started but its definitely prominent these days. I kept thinking I was meant to do something else and my life is not where I want it to be. I began to think about the lack of what I don't have instead of all the good blessings I already have. I live day to day telling myself that I am fine but days like these make me remember how insincere I was with my own feelings. I covered my heart with my words and all I ended up feeling is regret. My mind confuses me when I seek clarity. I tell myself "your life is way better than many others out there" and yet I have a continuous list of what I don't have by comparing myself with others. They asked me if I have a dream. By 'they', I mean family and relatives and although I want to be honest, it'll just make me thoughtless. My heart won't allow them to get hurt or unhappy due to my words. And so, I shamelessly tell them I don't have a dream. In fact, I would love to tell them. But you know what they say, words without actions are meaningless. I research my options but my findings fail. "I don't have an outlet, I don't have the chances, I don't have prospects here, I don't know where I'll get the money". All these questions travel in my head, searching for an exit but can't find its way. I hopelessly hang on to my dreams, waiting for something beautiful or maybe even magical to happen. Unfortunately, days and weeks go by, deadlines are due and my efforts stay mute. In the end, my results roll in and I'm not even surprised. What do you expect, from my mind running wild. I know I have potential, I know I can grow, yet when I look out, it seems there's nowhere to go. I want to push reset on my mind but I know its a button I shouldn't find.