End rape culture Part 2!

Rape is Rape! How can you recover?

 Speaking of how only rapists/abusers specifically look for vulnerability to rape/abuse as an attractive quality –
People who fetishize youth (especially “teens” when you’re 20+), naivete, sexual inexperience, and a mentor role, and seek out these elements as foundational to their romantic/sexual relationships are literally looking for vulnerable people who are easy to control and abuse.
Healthy dating relationships require everyone involved to treat each other as absolute equals. When one partner sets themselves up as the person who knows best and can overrule the other partner’s boundaries whenever there’s a disagreement - that’s literally abuse.
Abuse means, at its core, that only one partner is allowed to have boundaries. Specifically seeking out people who find it hard to form or enforce boundaries is an abuser tactic.
If you only find yourself attracted to people you can easily pressure, if someone not feeling like they can say “no” to you is kind of hot to you? You’re playing by the abuser’s handbook, and you need to stop. 

 When survivors disagree about advice, it’s often because what is appropriate at one level is absolutely necessary in other levels.    

ADMITTING TO YOUR SELF you were sexually abused.  We are all groomed from birth to accept male domination and fault for causing their negative side. This leads us to believe we deserved the assault(s) and/or we are blaming eve. This cognitive dissonance (imbalance between  heart, mind & body) causes us to act out in anger, addictions & we are told repetitively we are at fault for our actions, never relating it to the original traumas because they are so numerous we become numb. 

RECOVERY: We decide to become a feminist & label patriarchy. 

  ADMITTING TO A TRUSTED PERSON This again gets blocked by internal shaming depending on how much grooming you already received. Realize that with all sexual abuse, the abuser uses emotional abuse to direct threats of death. This is why? If you tell me about the grooming, I now there’s verifiable sexual abuse or the grooming wouldn’t exist. Grooming proves your brain is struggling and therefore the abuse did happen even if you don’t remember it.   But you have to be very careful who you disclosure to because if sexual abuse in systemic in your family everyone will turn on you to keep the secret. This includes your own mother, siblings, even religious figures & teachers if they feel dealing with the abuser is harder than simply discounting you.   This step requires you to solidify you convictions that you are a victim but it also requires you to identify who will be a friend or foe and finding out who is a foe can be even more damaging then the sexual abuse; realizing the reality of who “really” loves you can be devastating.   You also can not trust just any therapist just because they’re degreed; you must find an therapist who specializes in sexual assault. When they go to school, they get the entire field from ADHD to DID and one week on sexual assault. Our traumas have not been studied and not deemed high priority in teaching for years. 

RECOVERY: call a sexual assault center and get a therapist who interned there to get their degree. 

  NOW COMES SEEKING JUSTICE To seek public justice, socially, civil, criminal, you have to be at the point you are not afraid to claim your name and victim status. This is the stage I say is similar to coming out gay. How you choose to do this can range from social shaming, videos, Bill Cosby method to filing Title IX or a police report.  

  Problem is? you need to be prepared & strong enough to deal with what was first the patriarchy push back to keep silent within your self, then within your personal family friends to know every Tom Dick & Harry out there who believes they know the truth. This is why I would have your support network solidified before you take this step.    This is where I am absolutely against the trend patriarchy has of not revealing the victim’s name. Patriarchy put this in place which in my opinion only deepens the shame. It teaches you that if everyone found out you were raped it would destroy your life. Isn’t this victim-shaming?

 They label it as protecting her identity but how will she every shake the internal self-hared until she has pride in her survivor status. If your not ready to tell the world you are a rape victim, I would not seek public social justice because when you don’t get support the scars to your self-esteem will be deadly. If you were stabbed, would you feel the need to keep you name secret?    

At each one of these stages you will receive huge resistance to keep the issue quiet and status quo. You’re a liar. You wanted it. It was consequential.    Please don’t believe the BS that all you need to do is come forward and the truth will make things right and justice. 

   No, it just starts your battle against the rape culture. First within yourself, then within your family/friends, then within society and popular opinion.   It can destroy your family relationships and while you must do this get rid of that anger, if your not prepared and strong enough in your self-esteem you can easily dip into suicidal depression and that’s why sexual assault survivors have such a high rate of suicide either directly or indirectly/slower from addictions from drugs to food.