Hey all Steemit users.
My name is Brian and this is my first post here on this magical site. I am not that great in writhing in english, but i will try my best so here it goes. Btw I really love the concept where you can power up/ lock up your money and help the community.
My story is brutal, sad and most of all true.
But first i would like to present my self.
My name is, as I mentioned before, Brian and i live in Denmark in a very small town in west Jutland. I have a girlfriend and a little girl. We are mostly happy, but I sometimes I struggle with gaming addiction.
I will tell you about my story, when it all began back in 2002.
I was watching tv on a small channel that showed 6 people playing poker, but one guy was so fascinating to watch, he played the game in a whole new way, even if his cards were crap, he keept winning and outplaying everyone.
His name was Gus "Crazy Dane" Hansen and he ended up winning the tournament and a ton of money.
The periode after his win the poker wave where all over Denmark, and I was one of them who got hooked.
Sometimes I just wish, that I would have lost from the start, but obv. I won a big tournament and hitting a BIG score 5k$. I could walk on water, my life was so good and i thougt that next month it could be me in the television. OH boy i was wrong!
As my self estime got larger I become more brave and gamblish. Now i could not earn money fast enough and the thing with pushing buttons in hours in a tournament was not exiting anymore.
I discovered black jack and 30 mins later with the sound track of chamillionaire ridin dirty coming out of my stereo i'we lost it all.
This was my first real big loss and I remember my stomach was turning inside out. I was lost and cried for days in my bed.
I decided to take a break in 6 months ( back then i had still some kind of reality sense left)
I came back the poker tabels with fresh mind and money, but again it shortly became boring so i played some BJ on the side of my tournament and I was running hotter than Kim Kardashians ass on a summer day.
The Rush
The next 3 weeks i played BJ every day and I was all happy face. Ive made 1000$ in 10mins.when i play and my loss from earlier was long gone. I quit my job in the supermarket and moved away from my parents.
I still remember the balla feeling, when I was shopping furnitures and I picked a very expensive couch, the salesman looked at me with that "you can't afford this kid" and i replied "Can I get 5000DKK over? His face was priceless and I got myself a nice luxurious couch in my little collage apartment :)
The days go by and my winning was up to 37.000$ and the amounts I was betting become bigger and more gamblish (I doubled my 9 against dealers face up 8 and even, when I was not getting my 10 the dealer busts.
I was total money blind, I mean come on, it was just a number on a computer screen and the number was so big that I could always stop if I start losing.
The emptiness
The heater was not an all life event, and suddenly i quickly dropped 10k$. I was in shock and turned off the pc in the middel of a hand, my hands where shaking and i took a cigaret to find myself. After some minutes I could think clear and I come to the conclusion, that the game must stop, when I was ahead.
I withdrawed the hole thing and was proud as fxxx. Showed my parents the bank account, and they were happy for me as I told them that it was over and I learned the lesson.
The month after was so great and I was young and free with money (dangerous cocktail) The daily gambling pressure was a relief to get off my back, but again I missed the adrenalin and deposited 5k$ to a poker site so I could play omaha cash game. This game fast new, fast and you always have something to go with. As my other stupid ideas this was also failing, and now I got that addicted feeling, that I MUST win it all back! My brain knows it was just one of the stupidest ideas, but I could see my hand just continue to drop money to every other player at the table and after a week in that mode I become myself again, but brooke.
How could I tell my parents?? They where so proud and now i was just a sick young boy with a sick mind. I couldn't.
The recovery
Years went by and I got interesting in other things. I run a marathon and got my first girlfriend (yes its my babys mom). The devil was locked up, atleast I thought so.
I also start leaning about blockchain and could immediately see the potential, but there was a problem. I had no money because I shared my economy with my lady and she didn't see the same thing ( prove she's wrong :) )
Now good advices cost money and I elect poker to be my money machine so I could invest in the future.
I was playing on a bitcoin poker site and managed to earn 3 btc's for my first ICO. I was happy and think the amount was high enough.
The days passed by and the ICO was over, now it was time to skyrock to the moon like any other ICO. After a week my investment was cut in half and want to get more money so I could buy som more of the cheap tokens. I sold my stash and put it back on the poker site.
Now I am sitting here in the middel of the night with all my thoughts and broken dreams, because again again again I lost my head and my money.
I don't want you to have pity with me, but if you appreciate a 100% true and honest story from the real life please give an upvote and I will power up the whole thing, so no deamons can get to it and hopefully it can make my parents, girlfriend and kid proud.
On monday I will go to a clinic, which can help me with my addiction, and with this post I am off to a new and better start in life
Thank you your precious time. Hope this community will continue to take care of each other.
Peach out