My book "Peaceful Parenting" grants full responsibility, freeing victims to become powerful allies...

in reason •  2 days ago 

I have seen this play out countless times over my life and given this speech to many battling siblings:

You must treat each other well, for many reasons. First, your parents will age and die, leaving only each other as witnesses to your childhood. Your sibling is the only person who can share your entire life journey. They saw you grow, learn to walk, go through puberty, get educated, find a job, get married, and have children. This deep knowledge allows you to help each other like no one else can. Siblings are like expert mechanics who can fix or break anything. Living closely with people who know everything about you can be challenging, especially if they don't have your best interests at heart, as they can do much damage. It's like a doctor who can either heal you or torture you with his knowledge.

You will never meet anyone who knows you as well as your siblings. Even a spouse of fifty years won't have witnessed your entire childhood. Siblings can elevate each other to great heights or drag each other down to hell. If you turn on each other, using your deep knowledge to harm, you'll never stop paying the price. You won't fully trust anyone else because you couldn't trust yourself to handle your power over another human soul. You'll be repeating the mistakes your parents made.

Harming each other falls into a parental trap. Siblings who suffered alongside you should be your natural allies. Dividing and conquering only benefits those who wish to control us - whether in the family, society, country, or the world.

Older siblings: being born first doesn't make you better. You didn't earn that. Those "best friends" you abandoned your sibling for, where are they now? Are they here to help with your kids, nurse you when sick, or support you through tough decisions? Will they assist with aging parents? Probably not. You likely don't even know where they are - and if you called, they'd laugh. You gave up your blood kin for strangers living separate lives. Isn't that pathetic? How can you trust your judgment when you made such poor decisions against nature, history, and family?

Now, you seek authority over your younger siblings, asking for favors and trying to be in charge. They'll say, "Talk to the precious friends you preferred over us!"

Younger siblings, playing the victim: would you have done differently if you were older? You criticize your older siblings for lacking empathy, but have you tried to understand their perspective? They took the brunt of parental misdeeds and societal pressure to prefer peers over kin. If you’ve never held such power, it's easy to judge those who misuse it. Anger at older siblings is part of abusive parents' plan: "You fight among yourselves while we avoid judgment."

You complain that your older siblings' negativity affected you, but how much more did your parents affect them? By attacking each other, you excuse your parents, who remain in control. All the children made mistakes; forgive each other as children and place the blame on the adults.

Your parents are part of your past; they no longer parent you. But your siblings are your present and future. Sacrificing a functional future for a dysfunctional past is a terrible idea that will cost you all for the rest of your lives if you don't change.

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