I met my girlfriend, Bianca, in October of 2014. She was working as an au pair in the Netherlands. We pretty much met every weekend and life was great. But as an au pair you only get a Visa for a year and after that time you have to leave. At the beginning this didn’t seem like much of a worry to the both of us. But when the exchange was coming to an end we both got very sad. We knew this was going to end and we didn’t want it to.

This is Bianca. Meu amor mais linda de tudos as lindas. (i'm trying to learn portugues)

We decided we wanted to work on our future together and we applied for a partner visa. This was the most stressful of times, because we weren’t sure if we were going to get it.

We had already booked tickets to go to Brazil before we got the result. We had made a plan: I was to go with her for two weeks and meet her family. If the news in the end would be bad, we would have to live apart for at least two years, but she would have the support of her family straight away.

A week before she had to leave a letter arrived. The government had decided she could stay! If you ever had the feeling of stress leaving the body you can relate to what I felt. So much Joy! We were going to live together!

Plates, cups and cutlery

She came back to me in March 2016! She went on a Dutch learning course straight away and it was just wonderful to have her near me again. Life was getting more expensive (extra insurance, the Dutch course, food etc.) so we took care of our expenses. We made due but one day she said something strange. “I would like to have new plates”. 

I couldn’t even compute this request, because I had perfectly good plates. “The colors don’t match and they are different shapes and sizes and they look old” she said.  Me: “So what? You can still eat from them? What’s the problem?”. 

We got into our first argument and I was just completely lost. I was out of my league here. No experience. Was this normal behavior? Am I being an ass? Is she crazy? What am I missing? I decided I could do only one thing. I need to ask for advice somewhere. I work in IT and when I can’t figure out a problem I use Google to look for advice. Looking for relationship advice on google could potentially work but I happen to have four very good friends with long-term relationships! They must know! So I asked them!

My friend’s names are Ben, Fabio, Mark and Yves. They are all in long-term relationships. I told them the story and this is what they said:

Ben: laughs *sends a picture* of his plate cabinet.

Yves: “Girls like to have something they consider themselves and for some reason that nobody knows plates and cups and that stuff is the first thing they think of.”

Mark: “No way around it, happened to me twice. Just make a compromise. New plates but not the idiotic expensive ones.

Fabio: “Not worth fighting over, you will lose.”

Now this was useful information. I still didn’t deem new plates necessary but at least I could understand it now. It was something very important to her! I quickly ran upstairs and brought Bianca the good news. New plates it was. We went to the local store to buy plates. She was very happy and I was happy too because she was happy. Later we also bought new cups and cutlery as well.

I decided I would ask my friends for advice all the time. And I have done this allot. The way they got me out of my first (and only) silent treatment is magical.

O and one more thing. Later I discovered some more benefits about matching plates and glasses. They stack perfectly when you place them in the dishwasher and also in the cabinet. So useful! If only she used this argument from the start….

Mark