If you think you're in love for the first time, here are four signs to look out for.
I'm trying to recall how I first learnt the word "love." Although my parents told me "I love you" when I was a baby, my cognitive abilities were similarly infantile. When the Beast from Beauty and the Beast transformed into the prince, I recall weeping in my movie theater seat – why did he leave?! (Transformation was beyond my three-year-old intellect to comprehend.) Yes, Disney had a significant influence. And, while I was aware of my parents' affection for one another, finding out how to tell if you're in love has always eluded me.
Was that massive, life-changing infatuation on the kid I sat next to on the bus in seventh school true love? Because, by God, it sure felt like it. I was almost certain I'd puke every time I saw him, I once stole and treasured a pen cap he loaned me, and I had my lab partner wave across the hall to him every day (they were friends). Fun fact: I eventually started dating this crush and lost my virginity to him. Life is strange! Conclusion: seventh-grade me wasn't in love; she was going through her first period.
Was I in love with the guy I met in acting class and dated when I was 21? Because that's how it felt. I took two years to recover from a two-month romance with a guy who now appears in potato chip ads. But, sadly, the judgment is in: I wasn't in love; rather, I was enamored with a very attractive person.
And later, when my on-again, off-again "situation ship" of over two years came to an end, totally shattering my heart, I questioned whether it was love. Maybe, but it's more probable that it was my desire for a challenge. Give me some space! Give me some zeal! I'll act as though it's love.
I know that love feels a bit like a rush of attraction and respect and flutters going through your chest. I also know that real love should feel easy. I'm a pessimist, and I love "double checking" that what I feel is actually love.
If you're feeling something you don't know if you've ever felt before, here are some signs it might be love at first sight. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and host of "The Web Radio Show" on iReport.com.
01
You're attracted to them both physically and emotionally.
Identifying the "kind" of attraction you have for someone may appear straightforward at first, but I am certainly guilty of putting my own emotional demands and needs onto a big physical attraction. It's thrilling! I'm sorry, but I can't help myself!
Dr. Klapow adds, "Respecting [a spouse], feeling appreciation and liking for them, caring about their well-being, and so on are all components of love for your relationship." "A distinct sort of love is desiring them, experiencing a physical attraction to them, or even a bodily desire to be close to them." He goes on to say that some couples have both forms of love, while others have one or the other – the genuine thing will contain a mix of the two.
02
You're at ease with yourself. Being Vulnerable With Them
Because it's difficult to discern the difference between physical and emotional attraction, it's a good idea to consider how comfortable you are with your partner being vulnerable. Of course, being in love might make you uneasy at times, but ideally, you'll feel at ease being yourself while you're with your spouse.
According to Dr. Klapow, the desire in a relationship to "be vulnerable with [a partner] and share their weaknesses" is an indicator of a deeper love. "This more powerful, more physiological sensation of love," he adds, "is what differentiates an intimate connection from close friendship," along with a physical connection. Which takes us to our next indication that you're head over heels in love...
03
It Feels Like Your Relationship Is More Than Friendship
Unfortunately, there's yet another ambiguous line to draw in the sand: what distinguishes a friendship with a side of sexual attraction from real love? It's vital to remember that falling in love is a unique experience for each individual on the globe. Dr. Klapow adds, "Love is such a subjective, multifaceted, cognitive, emotional, and physiological experience." "Friendship, admiration, and respect without intimacy leads to issues." You should regard your spouse not only as someone you care about, but also as someone you desire.
04
You're always thinking about them.
Being in love with a spouse, according to Dr. Klapow, may be stressful. "You think about them, you worry about them, you have a physical desire to be near them," he continues. "You may feel secure with them, but you may be really concerned about the condition of your connection because it means so much to you."
While "drama" isn't required for real love to exist in a relationship, if you're in love for the first time, you're probably always thinking about — and worried about — your partner. "You are probably in love when you physically need to be near to your lover and when you want to know everything there is to know about them," says Dr. Klapow. But keep in mind that love is the most incomprehensible emotion there is, and we all experience it differently. You'll figure it out if you stay receptive to your feelings.