I wanted to share an opinion piece about others being difficult in relationships. Most of these articles are aimed at either men or women, but I do not see why the question cannot be posed at a more fundamental level. The trouble-giver can be your husband, your wife, your mother-in-law or just about any member of your family.

Given the vast demographic “my girlfriend is being difficult” has appeal to, it is unsurprising that just about any news outlet has published an advisory piece on the topic. Depending on the political orientation of the outlet, these pieces range everywhere from some apologist “it’s a good thing you are being hurt” to some Red Pill “women are children treat them as such” to a Judeo-Christian “Jesus has said so and so about it”. Being none of above, I would like to present you with a purely utilitarian view of the issue from the perspective of a career-driven individual.

A principled stance

Now let me get this absolutely clear: there is no excuse for throwing a fit. It does not matter if it is you having a bad day, someone else being difficult or something going wrong. Unless you lost a loved one, stop! We teach children to behave like adults, so that once they get past puberty, they can behave in a manner than society deems worthy and succeed within it. It is also the reason why we abhor violent crime and seek to remove it from the society. Nobody likes getting shouted at, being denigrated or hit.

Understand that this goes both ways. If your significant other or family member is being difficult, do not become a difficult yourself. This will not convince anyone that you are right; merely that you are being unreasonable at which point you are at fault. You may think that you are merely striking back, but because the other party rarely sees any fault in their own actions, you will merely be regarded as instigating a war of aggression.

Disagreeing with “good advice”

Now this is where I differ from most articles surveyed on this topic.

Someone being difficult once in a while does not in my opinion constitute psychological abuse and you should not immediately consider divorce. Consider the good and the bad, take your time and you will see how the advice-giver has reduced a large chunk of your life to one single bad aspect of it. Frankly, Internet advice-givers considering all marital troubles “psychological abuse” strikes me as erringly similar to Web MD telling you that just about any feeling of discomfort can be a sign of cancer. It is silly in most cases and your doctor will usually agree.

You are also not necessarily in the wrong. It does not matter if someone is being “complicated” or under the influence of hormones or whatever; you are being hurt as a result thereof. There is no excuse. Asking yourself whether you did something wrong is not bad per se, but every fight has a beginning and it makes little sense indoctrinating yourself in the idea that you are always the guilty one. Do not denigrate yourself, because some HuffPost guy with a stubble told you to.

Lastly, get the Red Pill or extremist feminist nonsense out of your head. Reading things you want to read will make you feel better about yourself for the moment, but you will not be doing yourself any favors if you consider half of the Earth’s population mentally deficient. There is no doubt that men and women are different in aggregate, but it is always wiser to deal with individual issues on an individual basis. If you want to see just about anyone get unreasonable, start a debate about their favorite political party, ideological belief or hobby they are particularly passionate about. Go tell a proud Tesla-owner that Elon Musk is a fattie and can’t run a business. Just don’t expect to be invited for dinner again.

Lesson: Profit can be made under all circumstances

The remaining question is then:
What should you do when someone is being difficult to you for no good reason?

The answer:
Be as rational as you would be in any other situation.

This is much more difficult and requires much more practice than some adhoc rationalization pulled out of one’s behind. Getting what you perceive to be an attack on you, especially from a loved one, can easily throw you off balance. Some are much better at dealing with it than others, but as the old saying goes “Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned.” You do not want to manipulate the clearly distraught other, but you do want to be reasonable and make the best out of the situation. Getting wound up is usually not the best way of going about it, even if you feel justified to do so at the moment.

Keeping yourself composed in such circumstances is an essential life skill necessary in most walks of life, so consider someone giving you a hard time as a challenge that will make you a better person rather than a reason to become unreasonable yourself.

You may have often seen positions advertised as requiring one to “work under pressure” and “meet deadlines”. When things get tough and the tough get going, it can be a matter of survival to retain a cool head in the face of spreading panic. In many business circumstances, you will generally have the time to regain composure and reevaluate the situation, but in many others you will not. The higher you are up the pay ladder, the more you will be expected to retain composture.

This is particularly the case for client-facing work and your workspace relationships. Many of you had to deal with service employees, especially those at the very bottom of the food chain, acting unprofessionally and being unnecessarily rude towards you. This is what you are like when you given in. You never ever want to be that person to your clients. Similarly, you never ever want to be that person towards your employer or your seniors. You are not being a pushover by not causing a fuss; you are being professional. Do not like it? Do something about it.

Translate this same attitude towards the person being difficult in your relationship and learn from it. Short of separation or disowning your family, a familial spat is usually a forgive-and-forget affair. Your employer losing confidence in you or a client giving worse feedback about you than they would have otherwise is not as easy to remedy.

Remember what I have written about teaching children. It is children, not adults. Adults learn by themselves and, short of going to prison, chances are you will not be very good at educating someone that they should throw fewer fits. Even if you do, there will always be other people in your life that you will not be able to change. Learning to not let it get to you is the only solution and getting uncessary nonsense from a family member once in a while is a splendid opportunity to keep yourself in shape.

Remember: “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me“. Be that person. And if you do need to get it out of your system, get those running shoes out of the wardrobe and hit the dirt.