understanding love and attraction

Jung talked about the anima and the aimus. He considered that who we fell for was determined by our requirements to healing in our lives, and that this was done through the opposite sex. The anima was the feminine: the animus, the masculine and assimilation of self through confrontation with the other was the object. It was about assimilation of self-becoming complete by healing. The way I've interpreted this is the other antagonises those parts of us that we don't want touched-they 'push our buttons'.

If it's all about transference and projection, maybe it's true that we should be careful who we meet, because you can fall in love with anybody. I don't think so. I've met, in my life, perfectly eligible men who I would have dearly loved to have been able to want, but was completely incapable of it. The one who caused me strife was the only one I wanted and nobody else would do. Hated him, loved the sight of him. You know, you get it, 'can't live with him, can't live without him.' We were incompatible but wanted each other. Eyes locked and the rest just unfurled. He was as helpless as me, at least-I did have a bit of power.

The healing thing happened though-we brought out the worst in each other as all the part of us that needed to come up for healing were exposed. It was like peeling off clothes and peeling back layers of self were happening at the same time but it felt like the more injured I got by him, the more I needed healing from him. What was really happening, if this theory flies, was the damage wasn’t done my him but was simply being exposed by him- all the bad stuff was him doing me a favour as I was given the opportunity to confront these parts of myself that needed attention. My little theory is that, either a next partner takes over the healing process, or if you're lucky, the relationship persists and you continue to heal through each other. The idea is, as I see it, the painful things within relationships are simply an uncovering of what was already wrong, exposed.

The passion was the glue and the guiding light to the right one. The passion is born then, form a need to heal past wounds and become complete. Not really about fusing with the partner-the partner is a focus of transference. When we look at our anima or animus, we look at ourselves. In this case, then, we can never justify being hurt by rejection because we understand that it was not about our value, but rather about the incompatibility of healing potential. They were just the wrong candidate for the job; as were you, for them.