Infidelity is ultimately theft.

in relationships •  3 years ago 

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I can't find the original post; but, this was something that stuck with me both because I found it morally wrong and because it lead to a lot of "libertarians" disowning me.

Basically, the meme was of this woman being asked how she kept a marriage of more than ten years going only to have the woman respond (this is almost verbatim), "I'm leaving him. I've already got my apartment leased. I'm gonna go out and be a hoe. He has no idea."

The overwhelming response was basically, "You go girl." I didn't take that perspective and apparently that bothered a lot of people.

Yes, I have a personal stake in this conversation. My longest relationship ended while I was looking at engagement rings just before she dumped me for another dude.

The first problem was that almost all of my detractors were insisting that the husband was probably abusive. There was no evidence of that. Nothing was mentioned. So, the assumption that comes with that is that the woman can't be the "bad guy." If she's doing something that will emotionally destroy her husband it has to be because her husband did something worse to her. It wasn't even a welcome inquiry to push for facts. No matter what, the man had to be the bad guy.

What's more, I haven't changed my opinion that Harry Browne's essay 'A Gift for My Daughter' is right in every context in which Browne said, "No one owes you anything."

What Browne never said was that you can do anything, everything, and everyone you want without ethical culpability. There is something immoral about entering a relationship with a pretense of monogamy and having your partner follow that agreement while you're fucking other people.

It's also just a good idea to minimize harm.

No break-up is fun. My cleanest break-up came after about three and a half months when we had a conversation about why neither of us had said, "I love you." yet. We came to the realization that we weren't in love and decided to break it off.

It still wasn't pleasant.

People can grow apart. Values can change. Interests can change. People can change. That can make romantic relationships not work. Still, if you have an option to initiate a break-up in the most respectful, kind, and least harmful way as opposed to ending the relationship in a way that you know will destroy the person that you supposedly once loved, it's clear that the morally correct decision is the former.

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