How I Taught Myself to Compromise Myself in Relationships

The following self-forgiveness relates to a pattern I have lived out for most of my adult life. The pattern involves the fear of the future/not being able to support myself, and then looking to relationships to escape this fear and apparently 'solve' it - when, in reality, this starting point dooms the relationship, and leads to much self-compromise from the very beginning.

For me, I located three events in my life: 1) A comment made to me by a neighbor I respected, 2) My first job experience and going to college (called CEGEP where I'm from), and 3) One of my first relationships that followed where I experienced financial support and adventure.

These three points worked together in my life to contribute to the creation of self-beliefs and beliefs about the world that influenced Who I Was/Am and penetrated into everything i did or tried to do.

The following self-forgiveness explains the timeline, and how everything developed, the mis-takes I made and how I could have done better. It is literally like going back in time and taking myself by the hand in order to walk myself through these experiences again in a more beneficial way.

I also added at the end, three incredibly insightful and intimate video-interviews with a young girl that was just starting out and facing points of entering into a relationship-agreement. The videos describe how to lay the ground work out before so as not to make the very common and self-compromising mistakes that many people make in their lives and relationships with others.

This is from my own original content found here (published same day): Kim's Journey to Life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have never thought or really seriously contemplated or focused on Who I Really am and what I want to do or be.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have had the thought: this is my last free summer before working, I will always remember this summer, when and as my neighbour said these same words to me ("Is this your last free summer before working? I will always remember my last summer before working")

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created a polarized idea of ‘free summer’ as good and fun and free, and ‘work’ as bad and trapped and the end of freedom, instead of having taken the moment to contemplate what I might like to do for work, what I might enjoy and what my interests were.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have associated work with bad, trapped, and the end of freedom, and not considered that I might enjoy working, and so never looking for, discussing or pursuing any particular job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have taken my mom’s offer of a job she got for me, and seen it as having accepted being condemned to prison, a life of work, the end of freedom.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have begun work with a split in me, wherein, part of me did not want to disappoint or embarrass my mother, but at the same time rebelled from what I saw as ‘imprisonment’, by moving out of the house and staying up late doing drugs and drinking, wherein the job did become like a terrible prison sentence, as I was constantly stressed about getting there on time, and so tired that I would fall asleep in the bathroom, dragging all day long which felt like torture, and not looking self-honestly to see that I was directly creating it, and not taking any self-responsibility to change it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have not quit the job because it was too much, too many hours and I was not mentally prepared to take on such a task and could have admitted it was too much and started with a part-time job in order to understand what it means to work and take on responsibility, as it was something I had never done before, but instead I remained at the job out of fear of disappointing my parents and embarrassing them because they got me the job.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself due to my own self-created fear of disappointing and embarrassing my parents, instead of placing myself and my needs first.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as irresponsible and not good enough, a failure and incapable instead of looking self-honestly to see what changes I could make, or whether or not I was in over my head.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to self-introspect about what is too much for me, and that I might need to enter into things more slowly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not consider who I am and where I am at within myself when taking on new responsibilities.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, instead of self-introspect and take Who I Am in the moment into consideration, I instead judged myself for not being able or capable of doing the job and work, thus creating a self-perception and self-relationship that was and is made toxic within and through self-judgment and self-beliefs.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have gone back to school thinking “I didn’t even get a summer” and create an experience of ‘over-worked’, ‘unrested’ and ‘worn out’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the self-beliefs of ‘over-worked’, ‘unrested’ and ‘worn out’, and instead of finding a better way to work, I created a solution as ‘avoiding work’ and not wanting to work, seeing ‘work’ as the cause of wearing me out and causing unrest instead of looking at my whole life-style and mental state and learning how to nurture and care for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that I need to have periods of extended ‘rest’, where I do whatever I want and have reduced or no responsibilities, in order to be able to function and work in this life, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that everything is a balance, between work and play, rest and pushing, and is not defined by periods of work and rest, but can be done within work and within rest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complain about having no summer and having worked too much, when in fact, I saw that I felt alright in my body, I was not too tired or overworked when I went back to school, but rather felt normal, and instead of seeing the reality of myself, I instead went with the idea that because I had worked, I should be tired and worn out.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have gone into the mind of being overwhelmed, incapable and helpless in CEGEP, instead of looking at what I actually wanted to do, and reached out for assistance and support to support myself to accomplish my goals, in terms of signing up for classes on time and having my schedule prepared, as well as getting to know the building and being places on time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spiral out of control, and seek the energy of a social life, boyfriends, alcohol and drugs to make myself feel better, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I would have felt better had I become more directive and disciplined in my schooling, which is what I really wanted.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to reach out and seek assistance and support when I needed it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I was/am incapable of being assisted and supported, because of the thought, perception or belief that I wouldn’t get it, or wouldn’t understand.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that if I don’t innately understand something, then I am unable to learn it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my negative experience of work and school with my positive experience of traveling with X, wherein I saw him and his money as saving me, and giving me the life I always wanted – which is being provided for and doing amazing things like traveling around the world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself and look to men/partners/relationships as the only way to feel okay and have a life worth living.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and believe that I could never create this life for myself, due to basing my judgment on a self that did not take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have focused on finding a man to take care of me and take responsibility for me.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see and realize that every new relationship brought the same result of failure because I never fully stood up and lived for myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on myself because I didn’t see instant results every time I tried to make a change.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into relationships as if I owed something to the man because my starting point was that of taking and being supported by him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into relationships with a fear of loss, because I feared losing my support which I believed I depended upon, because I thought and believed that, without a man, my life would be like it was when things were tough, instead of realizing it had nothing to do with being in a relationship or not, and everything to do with my relationship to myself.

Please watch these videos to get an intimate glimpse into what it takes to remain as an individual within a relationship, where the relationship becomes an agreement of mutual support:

Lilly and Malin / Self-Agreement and Self-Process

Talk 1

2

Talk 3

A casual, comfortable, laid-back chat with Sunette, Lilly (through the Portal) and Malin discussing the establishment and practical living of and as self-agreement and the basic practical layout of what's ahead in walking one's personal 'self-process' as the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind...and a few things in-between!

See life coaching
http://desteniiprocess/

Join the forum
Desteni at http://www.desteni.org

Destonian Social Network:
http://www.destonians.com

Visit the store: EQAFE.com