Last week, I watched a thought-provoking movie called Before Sunrise. This is the first movie within the Before Trilogy, which was filmed in 1995. It starts with two people met on the train and spent one night together in Vienna with a series of realist topics and deep conversation. One of the topics was - Romantic Projections. The definition of it on google is - a complete fallacy, an act of reasoning alluding to the significance that is non-existent, people believe in projecting their fantasies because it is so widely promoted as a necessity in life.
Well, Isn't it what people do at the beginning of falling in love? We have our fancy imagination of the person that we are falling in love with, along with a list of checkboxes of all the characteristics of how the person "should look like". We fell for the person because some of the boxes are checked. Greed As part of humanity, will expect more and more boxes to be checked. Hence, we are EXPECTING the person to change in that particular direction. Especially in online dating nowadays, with all the texting and sweet talk online every day you started to create a fancy character for the person in front of the screen. But the moment you meet the person you may realize "Hold on, this isn't what I expected". Even in real-life relationships, it is a process of discovering both ourselves and our partner. But we are having this Romantic Projection on our partners, things will get ugly very soon because no one is perfect and the character you have created - it DOES NOT exist initially!
Just like a love bubble that we created, one day in the future when it breaks - disappointment and breakdowns comes in. Yet the other person didn't do anything wrong when we started crying and shouting "Why you become like this?". Yes, indeed, people will change, but not in the way of how you want them to be - which is impossible. Therefore, when the person is changing in a totally different direction - In fact, they might be doing well in their self-development, but might not be towards the direction you have set for them.
It is not uncommon to have a Romantic Projection, we are one of the most creative species on this planet, we will have imagination. It is not wrong, but to be fair to everyone, this Projection could be a reference for you to filter people around you. However, it won't be a good idea to project it on a real person. If you love them, accepting them for being themselves and vice versa.
@vennica a young girl with lots of random thoughts in mind :)
