I could pretend like this isn't an overtly Christian post and try to lure you in with some other pretense. Then, once you had read most of it, I'd throw that hook and say "gotcha"! But, I don't feel like lying today.
Me
Hello, this is me. My name is Ethan Jared Allen, I live on the road full-time, (in a 45-foot bus). I've been living this way since I was 4-months-old, and I am currently based out of Hammond, LA, USA... and I'm terrified!
Why?
Because I'll be 22 come April 2nd, (the day after Easter), and I don't think I deserve to be 22.
'splain yo self
What I mean is that I don't see growth, (spiritually, mentally, personality), that justifies me being 22 years of age. Still not getting this? Well, here's the deal: I don't feel like I've done enough in the first 21 years of my life to deserve a 22nd year of life. Do you have the general idea now?
Ever feel like that?
I do, quite often.
I'm a good guy!
I am! Really! Some might even call me a model Christian by the way I look on the outside. I tithe 20%, (God only requires 10%, but I give the extra as an offering). I give 1/3 of my net income to charities and missions organizations. I travel and minister the gospel full-time, 365 days a year, living in a bus. I sing in church every Sunday, wear a suit and tie, talk about God on social media and blogs, (like right now). I do devotions every morning, read the Bible, pray, take mission trips at least once a year.
I. Am. A. Really. Good. Guy. Right?!
Not Enough
What is enough? Do I have to sell everything and give to the poor, abandon all worldly possessions to follow Christ? Well yes. If He calls me to that life I need to obey, but I'm already doing that. What then? Do I need to give my life for His cause? Perhaps eventually, if it comes down to it... Why don't I feel satisfied with what I'm doing for Christ?
Maybe it's because I'm a fake. Yeah, you heard me. A fake, and phony, an actor.
True, everything I told you about my life is accurate, I do all of those things for Christ. But I'm also a sinner on the side, (go figure). I stray, disobey, rebel, and just plain sin even though I'm this great Christian.
What is Enough?
Enough is when Jesus is the only thing on my mind, in my heart. My one desire, one goal, the only thing before my eyes. Enough is when I sell out to His cause and nothing, NOTHING else matters to me. When my love is His alone, when I live each day like I will see Him before tomorrow, when I'm following Him so closely you can't tell us apart, that's enough.
I will not be perfect or completely conformed into the image of my savior until I get to Heaven and glory, but I can be transparent on earth, so that when people look at me, they see Him through me.
Today, I will live like Jesus is coming again before tomorrow. May nothing I do bring shame to the cross or to Christ. I love you all, but only because I love Him first and only!
--stay classy, jazz kats!
Don't follow me. Follow Jesus!
As a common wisdom says: you can not love when you don't love yourself. If you don't feel growth that is simply because you deny yourself, if you deny yourself, how can you expect to grow as a person?
Don't take my word for it, I am just an atheist.
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Jesus calls me to deny myself and follow Him. I can't afford to be an atheist. I don't have enough faith to trust there is no eternity... I stand to risk far less if I'm wrong about what I believe in, than if I were to be in your shoes. For if God is real and the Bible is true, I will be in heaven when I die, in the presence of Jesus Christ who died for my sins. If God is fake and the Bible false, I risk nothing. I die and that's it.... But for you, if the Bible is wrong, so what. You die and that's all there is. But if it is true, and there is a heaven and hell, you stand to lose everything.
I don't have any doubt in my mind that the Bible is true and God is real. My struggles are merely how do I follow Him closer, be more like Him, and obey His word like He commands me to. I can only love because He first loved me anyway.
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Everything you say speaks of doubt, as a game of chance, yet in the end you state there is no doubt.
If faith becomes a choice based on merrit is it truly faith?
If the choice is made out of fear of loss, is it truly sacrifice or true kindness?
Doubt is essential to reason, faith is the absence of reason. Have faith if you need it but if you are reasoning faith based on merrit then there is no possibility of winning.
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My current state of composure is due to a manic/depressive mood swing. If you'll pardon my inconsistency, I'll be more succinct.
I believe as a result of the evidence of history, testimony, and the overwhelming inability to disprove the Bible, that it is true and the Word of God Himself.
Because of this, I believe what the Bible says about sin, right, wrong, truth, and what it means to follow the example of Jesus Christ, (being a Christian).
I still doubt. I shouldn't, but I do. I still sin and disobey God. I shouldn't, but I do. But the Bible also says that if I sin, I have an advocate with God, Christ Jesus the righteous. And that if I confess my sin, God is faithful and just to forgive me of my sin and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.
Faith is not the absence of reason, it is the substance of things hoped for. For without faith, there is no hope in what is not, or what is not yet come. Faith proves the existence of hope by itself and vise-versa. Reason is finite and based solely on logical(critical) thinking. But even reason does not understand emotion and metaphysical elements of human existence.
The spiritual side of life is the equal and opposite reaction to the physical.
I don't reason faith by merit, but rather by choice. I don't regard my faith as an escape route from Hell: for the price of my faith was a high cost to Christ and myself. My doubt is humanity speaking in frailty to the power of God. I limit His ability in my life by my lack of faith.
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