What Religion Will You Buy?

On a sunny afternoon, a sweaty man walked into a fine store down the street. He quickly grabbed a shopping basket and went round the store, taking a curious look at the beautifully displayed items in the various cabinets. After a while, the man returned to the store owner with an empty shopping basket. The store owner was stunned, wondering why the man had an empty shopping basket. The store owner rose to her feet, cleared her throat, and the following conversation ensued:

Store owner: Sir, I am deeply surprised that your shopping basket is empty. Have we by any means done you any wrong?
Man: No. You have not done me any wrong. I am simply confused.

Store owner: Confused? Do you mind sharing your problems with me?
Man: I want to buy a pack of religion. I have gone round your store and cannot find any suitable religion.

Store owner: But we do have religions like Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Baha'i, Hinduism, Taoism, Buddhism, Sikhism, Rodnoveri, Celtic pagan, Heathenism, Semitic pagan, Wicca, Kemetism and African traditional religion for sale.

Man: Well. You really do have a rich stock of religion for sale. But why did you include Christianity as a religion? I know a few people who say Christianity is not a religion.

Store owner: Religion is a system of beliefs organized around supreme beings and in their power to help or harm mortals. If that definition is correct, then Christianity is a religion.

Man: I see. Okay, I think I would love to buy Christianity. Would you please give me a pack of Christianity, so that I may go home in peace?

Store owner: Sir, there are several brands of Christianity, which would you prefer?

Man: That's incredible! I used to think that Christianity was one and the same. In that case, what are the brands of Christianity available in this store?

Store owner: The brands are so numerous that I don't have everything in stock. The ones I have in stock are Catholicism, Anglicanism, Protestantism, Pentecostalism, Celesticalism, Jehovah witnessism, Cherubiumism and Seraphimism.

Man: This is amazing. What brand of Christianity is the original?

Store owner: It depends on the subscribers. The subscribers of each brand claim theirs is the original.

Man: Hmmm is that so?

Shop owner: It is so.

Man: How do I discern the brands?

Store owner: That is quite difficult. The brands have some similarities and some dissimilarities too. For instance, Catholics see the virgin Mary as sacred. Anglicanism is quite similar to Catholicism but slight differences exist. While polygyny is kicked against by Catholics, it is permitted by Anglicans.

Man: Hmmmmm

Store owner: Pentecostals have divisions between them too. Some Pentecostals condemn trousers for ladies while others do not. However, the priests and members in Pentecostal churches do not put on garments during worship. Celestical, Cherubium and Saraphim are quite identical too. They all use candles, incense and garments but while Celestical uses mostly white garments, Cherubium and Saraphim uses several colours of garment. Celestial, Cherubium and Saraphim strictly instructs that members must worship barefooted.

Man: What about the Jehovah witnesses?

Store owner: Jehovah witnesses do not celebrate Christmas and New Year festivals. Unlike some other brands of Christianity, Jehovah witnesses do not believe in the existence of hell fire.

Man: These facts are really incredible. Prior to this moment, my assumptions were that Christianity was one and the same.

Store owner: So which brand of Christianity do you want to buy?

Man: I am really confused. I really do not know what brand of Christianity to buy. Would you please sell me a manual that will guide me in choosing the right religion?.

Store owner: I'm sorry, We don't sell the manuals; the rule is to sell the religions and brands without the manuals.

Man: Let me try something different. Do you have African Traditional Religion?

Store owner: Yes

Man: Does ATR that have brands too?

Store owner: Of course yes! It has Ogun, Sango, Amadioha, Igbe, Osun, Oya, Esuu etc brand.

Man: Does Islam have a brand too?

Store owner: Oh yes!

Man: I want a brandless religion because I don't know the brand that is original or fake.

Store owner: All religion has brands. You have to choose a brand or remain without any!

Man: I would come back next weekend to buy the pack of religion I prefer.

Store owner: No problem. You're always Welcomed.

If you were the man, which brand of religion would you buy?

SUPPORT CORNER

Kindly follow the peerless vocabulary lessons delivered by @majes.tytyty and get rewarded with some upvotes for your participation.

Are you a minnow and you're already thinking of giving up on Steemit? Please don't quit. Kindly follow @Steemitcentral and use the steemitcentral tag in your posts to get some upvotes.

I am @gandhibaba, the young man who goes about carrying his magical pen, not his gun, in his pockets.

Gif courtesy of @artzanolino

Thanks for visiting my blog. I appreciate your precious time.