With games like Cuphead tormenting (and completing) us these days, it sometimes feel like games were put on Earth to plague our nightmares and force us to throw our controllers against the wall. But that wasn’t always the case! Let’s harken back to a time when you could beat an entire game in a short, unsatisfying sitting, which is what we were all really dropping our money for, right? Here are five of the easiest games you’ll ever play on a Nintendo system.
Super Metroid (SNES)
So much has been a lot of conversation about the Metroid series over the years that you might have forgotten just how patronizing Super Metroid was. You start the game with more weapons than a basketball team full of John Rambos, and the final battle (if it can be called that) was literally impossible to lose. It’s like when you play video games with your five-year-old nephew, except YOU’RE the nephew now, dog. YOU WIN. YOU WIN EVERY TIME.
Yoshi's Story (N64)
Hitting American stores in 1998, Yoshi’s Story took place inside a pop-up book and presented just about as many challenges as reading one. I feel like I ask this every day, but can’t we get a gritty reboot of Yoshi’s Story that takes place within a Frank Miller-style graphic novel?
Wizards & Warriors (NES)
Whatever you’re thinking, this bad boy is DEFINITELY not Ghosts ‘n Goblins, no matter how much it sounds like a Transmorphers-style knockoff. It’s also not the 1983 TV series starring Tim Conway. So what the hell was it then? Well, this Wizards & Warriors was a decent enough game, but with unlimited continues, there wasn’t much in the way of danger — just incessant chest-opening until you beat the dang thing. Make no mistake, though, this game is about wizards and it’s about warriors. No ghosts OR goblins to be found here, no, sir.
Luigi's Mansion (Gamecube)
Luigi’s Mansion was based on three bafflingly simple principles: Point. Shoot. Suck. Hey, wait, why are you laughing? He’s using a vacuum, you perv! No, but really, Boo from the Super Mario Bros. series would be ashamed of how easily his descendants were sucked.
The Karate Kid (NES)
Part of the charm of Daniel-san’s story was that he started as just some dummy and eventually, by way of fly-catching and fence-painting, he slowly learned the secrets of karate! But in the Karate Kid game, you were apparently seventh-level black belt Daniel-san, who could vanish enemies to the Phantom Zone with a single kick. Failing that, the guy could just outwalk his enemies until they screwed off and never bothered him again. In fact, if we can get a movie adaptation of THAT story, I’m all the way in.
So do you remember playing any of these games and did you for a brief moment feel like the greatest gamer of all time?
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