In the beginning of 2015 I was quietly thinking of a good New Year's resolution. Normally New Years resolutions don't hold much weight with me, but this year was different. I was nearing the end of a 9 year contract with the US military and had big decisions to make. I'd spent nearly the last 10 years of my life traveling, shooting guns, living in what would be considered a 200 square foot studio apartment (barracks room), following orders all day and generally not being very creative or free. I was still in my mid 20's, single, had no kids, and had saved a good amount of money by this point. It was go time.
In my past experience I learned that the best decisions I ever made were always the scariest ones. The ones that I almost talked myself out of. The ones that give you that sinking feeling, like there is no going back now and I'm in too deep! Or the ones when you take a step back and think "I'm fucking crazy, people must think I'm crazy!"
So, I decided in early 2015 to make it the year of risky bets and big pay offs. I promised to push myself. To put myself in very uncomfortable situations, to truly see who I was and what I could handle.
The first order of crazy business was the girl. I had met a girl 9 months earlier. She was an exchange student. Lets call her "Shay". Shay is Brasilian. Not only was she beautiful, but she was funny and extremely mature for her age. We dated for a couple months and had fun. We ended up going our separate ways while she finished her stay in the US. After we split, I found myself thinking that I should have closed the deal! I felt like she was the "one that got away"...as they say. At this point she had already made it back to Brasil, and had resumed her normal life. We texted a couple of times after she left the US so we still had some contact.
Since it was time to take risks and get uncomfortable, I decided I'd tell her that I wanted to visit her in Brasil. She responded the way that two people who run into each other in the grocery after losing contact for years do, "We should get together sometime" "Yea, lets do it!" They both give a fake smile, wave goodbye and never see each other again.
Instead of letting that happen, I just said "ok great, what week would be best for you?" Silence. "Let me check and I'll get back to you!"
Well, long story short- I was in Brasil 3 months later with a crazy plan of making this girl my wife. I still remember how I felt after I actually bought the plane tickets. I kept thinking to myself "this is fucking crazy!" "Who are you fooling? You think this is going to work? You haven't seen each other in almost a year. You're going to get there and it will be awkward and it will be a huge disaster!"
We were a little rusty for the first couple of days, but after that it was like we never left each other. We had dinners together, took small trips, I met her family, she showed me the city and it was great! I spent almost three weeks with her and I flew back to the US.
When I arrived back in the US something enormous occurred to me. If I could just ignore all the doubts and negativity for long enough to TRY something, it could end up working out really well. If I could just put my hand out and try to reach for that image I have in my mind, I might actually be able to grab it! My life changed. I CAN achieve so much!
The timing was perfect for me. I needed the confidence boost that getting of a government salary would require after 10 years. My first step toward mental freedom was achieved, and it all started with a New Years resolution.