Rushing and coffee addiction - self forgiveness

"Don't rush, you might fall!" - moms around the world

Today, without noticing it in the moment of doing it, I woke up and rushed out of bed and out of the house to do a few things: to engage in my process (I mainly wanted to study) while also going out to get some food and coffee - it was only after several hors of rushing through my day that I noticed what a rushed state that I was in and how this has become such a pattern, where I just engage this pattern/habit without necessarily being here and present within my body/the moment to be able to actually move with the body/move in awareness as what would actually be best for my body. So within this, the problem I am identifying is that when I do not move from a point of self awareness, but rather go into a rushed 'survival' kind of state, I tend to look to my outside world and form dependencies on external stimuli like for example coffee to be able to move myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to rush into life, events and activities, wherein I am participating in thoughts/feelings and emotions that are in essence based on fear of loss where I feel that I must have a certain degree of energy/emotion/intensity with which to move myself and engage

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to rush my process by coming from a starting point of fear of loss/fear that I will not change, rather than to work with what is here as myself in the moment by breathing and slowing down to see what exist here within/as me, rather than to go running 'out there' looking for answers

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use coffee as a way for compensating for not slowing down and embracing that which is here, creating the belief/perception that coffee can do process for me and give me some kind of power where it is like I believe this external force/stimulus can propel me to self movement

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to depend on being in a state of discomfort and fear in order to move myself and engage in my process and living activities

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to slow down with breath and quiet the mind sufficiently that I can allow my natural curiosities to be explored with no mind as thoughts/knowledge/perception as a dependency to be able to move myself and engage

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to go into a kind of survival mode in the short moment that I recognize that I need something - like for example food - and within this point of survival go rushing to immediately satiate my need, looking for something that fits a certain specific mental criteria without actually moving within and as my own body in awareness to be able to work effectively with myself in recognizing what specifically would be best for the body

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the stimulation of caffeine and to associate this stimulation with self movement

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to make things more complicated than they really are, rather than to slow down and work with the body within/as breath

I commit myself to slow down in the morning by utilizing breath, to bring myself back here/into the body and to not move with the mind of rushing thoughts, feelings and emotions but to strictly slow down with breath to bring myself back to here/the body, and move within and as the body as required

I commit myself to take a break from drinking coffee to break the cycle of a perceived mental dependency on coffee to be able to move myself

I commit myself to slow down in the moment that I recognize that I am hungry so that I do not start going into survival mode and mental projections of what would most immediately and excitingly subdue my hunger/fears, and rather move within/as the body as BREATH so that I can effectively work with what is here as the physical body

For more context on my Journey to Life, feel free to investigate the following links and resources.

Understanding Oneness and Equality

The Journey to Life Process of Self Honesty and Self Forgiveness

Self-Support resources on virtually every topic imaginable

Feel free to connect with me on Facebook as well.

Thanks for sharing the time to read!