Finding Yzart. Continued
Sometimes I think of Osama as my opposite twin. I imagined what it must be like to grow up the prince. Were there elaborate feasts with all sorts of music ,were there dancing women, were they all wearing gold and thin veils, what must his life have been like, I had no idea ,was it Arabian Nights, I didn't really know what a Muslim is, or why they were fighting with the world trade center ,weren't they rich, didn't they have oil, what did they want?
Since I was a child I have been affected by an empathetic nerve that is overactive,, that means I have cried a lot, I have cried bitterly, inconsolably without ceasing, I felt the weight of the world and cried out loud to the Living God .I was a child alone rejected ,despised ,neglected , beaten and broken .I cried in the utter despair I cried in total disbelief, I threw dirt into the sky with grass I tore from the earth in anger and cried and cried screaming, you're not real, you're not real, you're not real, "if you were real you would speak to me.. . I have cried like the unblemished bull calf ,laid upon the bloody altar ,held down on every side with my head pulled back and my neck exposed bawling out distressed cries for mercy from my bloodthirsty gods my unheeded cries heard for miles,I've cried tears of joy, I've cried tears of abundance, tears of believing ,tears of loving ,I cry now ,tears of sharing the ocean of remembrance of ancient tears and new. I lept for Joy crying out loud , at the same time crying tears of exaltation when I first saw the "Chariot of Fire", approaching ,as it neared, I cried more and more ,my hands trembled my lips quivered ,I held my witness staff high,( the one in the photo) ,crying you're coming ,you're coming for me now! I lept for joy as it got larger and larger and closer and closer, I fell like a broken Stone to the ground and cried out in agony as it turned in a beautiful elipse and started to move away from this Earth and my hope, then I cried out on my knees ,like the Golden Eagle Arrow Warrior, I cried out with the screeching voice of an eagle, the word I had never uttered I cried in Eagle Arrow Warrior language. Enoch.!!!... I cried in excitement as they instantly circled back getting larger as they approached closer than before , only to start leaving again ,then, I cried the most feeble sickened tears of "woe is me", I was being left to complete my mission alone, I felt as though they were laughing at the little puppy wanting to ride with the big God Dogs,almost as if they were humored by me but maybe they were laughing at me, I didn't feel confident as they continued their lovely ascent into the heavens. I've cried out like a naked native medicine man, I cried out for a vision, Grandfather, Grandfather ,I Cry for a vision . Delirious ,hungered for food ,parched for water ,cold, trembling , almost extinguished , except for Great Spirit and the spirits of the helpers and eternal witnesses , I was helpless . I have cried for a visitation ,knowing that the elders have obtained a good report through such encounters, blessings exceeding and abundant they received ,also true and precious promises , until all Generations are restored, when all will be purified and multiplied ! if I could recount to you the prayers ,the crying prayers of and for all beings, if you could read the ethers and know what is prepared for those who have suffered, if you could sail the seven seas and comprehend the ocean of Tears in which you find buoyancy, the tears of 100 billion human beings ,if you could hear their voices ,their songs ,their cries ,their stories and if you could see their faces.
If you could take some DMT from your pineal gland through meditation and fully open your third eye to see and ears to hear ; you would realize samadhi changes things. You won't have to call your local dope pusher, you'll find the most potent psychedelic substance known to man is right there ,protected ,seated deep at the core of your brain , in what's known as the pineal gland ,the root activator of human quantum consciousness . You will only need to prepare yourself and practice to access the often called, "Spirit Molecule ",DMT, let me make this clear, this drug is in your brain right now and it always has been and it always will be ,as long as your mortal body is functioning ,this so-called drug ,DMT/dimethyltryptamine, is waiting for you, whenever you're ready ,if you could take it out of your pineal gland,weigh it up and put a small small amount on the table in front of you, this would be enough to give you what has been likened to a near-death experience,, when the lights go off and the last semblance of Consciousness with its analytic overlay diminishes and the monkey mind is silenced; the body slumps, you hear the background noise of this life and it's busyness ,Fade ,to silence, then absolute blackness when instantly an explosion, a symphony ,the voices , the sounds the music ,the electric psychedelic colors of metallic sheens and extreme vibrance holding depth and proportions and they are indeed ,Living Color's ,with pure voices that can never be blended into disharmony , as they are mixed in this other world and spread and are stroked into any varied form, they become a complex Symphony of every potential , unfolding continuously together only more beautiful no matter in what form or from which direction they are viewed or heard, it becomes completely and actually an epiphany of sensual reception of the Creative Community of Benevolent Consciousness.
the genetic identity within our consciousness is repurposed ,we re reprogrammed as it were, a miracle of corrective medicine is performed through benevolent intention and interaction. No human has ever painted with those colors in this existence ,when gently almost cautiously , definitely most respectfully ,the living beings begin to approach, their gifts are beyond the immense and searchable, the minister according to one's needs and desires ,they offer me what I call a ticket to fly, an invitation to the dance party of cosmic consciousness , Transcendence, in a word, with a kiss of immortality ,and, as I love to say ,you don't want to miss the after party, it's going to be all access to all actualization and ever on and on going!!!
I didn't know anything about all of that in the summer of 1972 as I leaned against the guardrail on the side of the road approaching the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel outside of Roanoke Virginia, as the little purple pill dissolved on my tongue and the morning commuters waited in traffic and watched me curiously as they waited their turn to pay their toll and enter the tunnel. I wasn't having any luck getting a ride so soon I got the bright idea to try to hold out a $1 bill instead of my thumb, about that time I started to feel the effects of the Purple Haze, it started to come on gently and easy at first like blue skies and smiling sunlight. I felt wonderful all of the imaginations of my fourteen-year-old life as I sit by myself beside the Atlantic, I wondered what would the people be like up north, soon I realize that my dollar bill wasn't enough so I made it two dollars, before much time passed the LSD was really starting to really do its work . I wondered how many hundreds of people passed and had never even thought of picking me up, or if they did ,what were they thinking, could they tell that I was a runaway, did they want me to get caught ,did they know they weren't helping me? I couldn't tell. As much as I wanted to keep my last dollar I began to be anxious and so reluctantly, I took my third dollar and held it out, my youthful fist full of dollars in the Wind, held up to the world of passers-by ,asking, is anyone willing to accept me for a fee? Soon a young man in a green car called a Gremlin, took me up on my offer. Hippies have a way of saying "I was tripping man", that well describes how I felt when we entered that tunnel ,with it sounds and smells and the heightened experience of the LSD 25 ,it made me feel like I was traveling into the belly of an electric serpent, I could have easily been the character in my own 2001 Space Odyssey ,wondering ,bewildered , where are we going? Soon the Tunnell began to go up the grade began to increase I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and we came out into the clear sky with water on either side of the highway ,we were now on a bridge and we seemed to be going on air, I felt ecstatic the sun was beautiful the light,Majestic and warm billowing clouds mingled with the soft salty smell the Sea Air!
I felt like the line from Shakespeare where Romeo says," this is but a dream ,too flattering sweet to be substantial !" As we descended into the next section of the tunnel the Mystic serpent became a dragon of multi colors, it was a feminine dragon and she had a name ,her name was Serendipity and I was her passenger, her guest and it was her Delight to serve ,comfort and protect me!
She taught me that I would never be alone and that I have many mothers and that I should no longer feel the need to cry for my mother and brothers.
As we emerged at last from the Bridge Tunnel onto firmament I felt as though I had been rebirthed, I had somehow become a young man, testosterone was changing my body as it coursed through all my vessels all my cells, my bones and my hair were growing fast and every day , a bit of fuzz was appearing on my upper lip. I listened intently as my host and driver told me his story he was in fact on his way to Delaware, he would be appearing in court later that same day to answer charges for marijuana possession ,he potentially faced years of imprisonment, for a small amount of pot, little did we know he was telling me my future. He gave me some small change maybe 40 or 50 cents, I gave him one of the last two purple pills, with the instructions, hide this and if they put you in jail ,take it when you're all alone. With a happy hopeful smile we parted,
I walked to a pay phone nearby I called information and asked for a Mr. Jesus Vas----,
I waited patiently as the calm operators voice said, one moment please , she came back and said, would you like me to connect you, I said yes please, she said that will be ten cents please. I dropped the silver coin into the slot ,you could hear the bells chime as it dropped through the receiving mechanism, soon the phone was ringing I heard a soft voice answer, a kind matronly Puerto Rican voice heavily accented ,saying, haa-lloow , I said mrs. V it's Tracy, Ahh-hhha Tracy, you come here. You come here .
Only three days before I was at study hall in the library on what would become my last day of formal education, I went and pulled the large atlas of the United States off of the Shelf I searched for The Ledger of symbols, there I found the words United States Air Force Base and the symbol for it was a star inside a circle under it was written the word Dover.
In 1969 near my hometown was an Air Force Base that was decommissioned I had friends who were from career military families, but my favorite friend was a funny warm and wonderful boy whose name was Eddie that we called Yogi , after the cartoon Yogi the Bear. When they were transferred they went first to Fort Campbell Kentucky, my family allowed me to go and visit them during Easter in 1971, at home my father who was a veteran of the Korean War was now a patient of the VA Hospital. His diagnosis was terminal. Meanwhile and as a response to his illness , my two older brothers who who were both teenagers and in need of a good role model , before and especially after my father's diagnosis ,both of my older brothers were sent to Columbia Military Academy in Columbia Tennessee, they were both honor students, but in the last week's of his last semester my closest brother in age and my greatest ally in life ,my benevolent protector and alt-father figure whose name was Percy, took a dramatic turn, the first sign was dropping grades with incomplete assignments. My mother called me aside and and solemnly instructed me that when my brother arrived to pay attention to him and report to her and tell her if I noticed anything different in his behavior or anything at all. Percy was a noble person, virtuous by name and nature, gifted both intellectually and athletically, girls got wet and giddy in his presence, you could see their faces flush, their eyelashes batting throwing their heads around like a mare in heat, nostrils flaring, wild-eyed and wanton. Yet they could never want or need him as much as I did. The same weekend that I left home for the first time on a Greyhound bus to Fort Campbell , Kentucky,my brother and mother boarded a flight to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. I would never see my brother stand and walk again, I would never hear his voice speak intelligible words again , I would never hear his stories, or know his protection, never again would I be swept up in the wake of his popularity and good name. And I have never heard the story of the boy who took the loss of a brother so hard.Theo VanGogh never mourned more , the loss of his beloved, Brother Vincent , for over five more years he would languish, withering away in his Deathbed. A rare form of Viral Encephalitis believed to be a hybridization of the measle virus attacking his brain, his symptoms appeared to me to be what would most commonly be recognized as severe cerebral palsy with progressive pneumonia and generalized wasting away syndrome. It took me 30 years before I could hear, say or write his name without crying . I couldn't think of him without crying and I thought of him almost everyday.He was the pride and joy of my mother's life his death was almost her death, she would live to the age of 84 years old, if she had lived she would turn 88 today! Happy birthday Mom I'm finally writing that book you asked for in the form of a Blog on something called steemit. I hope you're reading along with us here, there ,in the great beyond, please upvote me and put some steam in my account (it feels like I'm a child again writing you a letter from jail asking you for the things that will help make my stay better) if you can get me some Angel votes and whenever the great blue whale swims by in the crystal sea won't you just please mention how much I will enjoy his pods regards and thanks Mom , I love you
To be continued