Dear gentlemen,

brainnipper (50) · 7 years ago

Da hab ich nun so überlegt... ich weiß, was Du meinst, aber ich seh es irgendwie anders. Ich seh es als super Thema, wenn wir beide schon zwei, drei Gläser Rotwein hatten?^^ Da reden wir mal persönlich drüber!

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Das machen wir! :-)

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uwelang (74) · 7 years ago

DU hast Ansichten die ich den meisten Frauen gar nicht zutraue - ganz toller Post!

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Sweet :-) Danke lieber Uwe. Direkt aus dem Leben in die Tastatur auf die Blockchain :-)

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lukestokes (75) · 7 years ago

Sometimes I wonder if some humans have far less vasopressin than others. Could that explain why some stay monogamous and others do not? How interesting would it be if we could measure this?

I still think science can answer all kinds of important questions, even about love.

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3 votes

surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago (edited)

I fully agree. I also believe that Science always finds a logical answer and that's why I chose it as main tag, hoping somebody would jump on that train, haha. So you did. Thanks for that :-)

I loved the video, especially the "brain on Koke" part, haha! We all know that butterfly craziness pretty well I guess.

So it's about chemistry in the end?
You're right: it would be interesting to measure it... But then the hunters wouldn't find someone to marry ever again :)

Thanks for your valuable adding, Luke! I appreciated it much.

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lukestokes (75) · 7 years ago

Chemistry? Yes. :) It's like when my kids are frustrated, they know to come get some Oxytocin from a 30 second hug.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

This.
Haha, love it!

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dreemit (71) · 7 years ago (edited)

Oxytocin I know well, in fact every chemical mentioned in this video I'm well versed in except the one relating directly to this post...and I may be showing a level of ignorance I shouldn't, but I have never heard of vasopressin until just now. I am torn on whether to thank you cheerfully -since I'm a huge fan of learning new things, in fact my grandmother told me the secret to preventing senility was to learn something new everyday, she never went a day without her crossword puzzles and she was sharp as a tack right up to the day she died- or with a bit of melancholy, because I am the one who would still hear santa's sleigh bell, (polar express reference) who loves the idea of magic and mystery. A conundrum.

I can't speak for others, and while I can't deny that the chemistry described for romantic love doesn't sound exactly like it was when I met my husband at eighteen, twenty years later all I can say is I just simply adore him. He's my best friend and confidante, desirable to me in all ways from the way his brain works to everything else. We know one another inside and out, but it's never been stagnant or boring, we can still talk for hours, and while we'll certainly be nostalgic when our children go off on their own, we're also excited about the possibilities and new adventures that will provide. Can vasopressin really explain all of that? I doubt it, there are too many factors interwoven, private jokes wouldn't disappear, and neither would all of the memories, or the way we still challenge each other, and quest with questions together....
sorry, this is becoming a post of its own! :)

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lukestokes (75) · 7 years ago

Well, removing vasopressin sure impacted the prairie voles... so... who knows. Either way, a successful marriage involves effort and is awesome. I'm 13 years in and love it all around. I'm glad yours works well for you. :)

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dreemit (71) · 7 years ago

It did, but I do think the ability to think and reason, have foresight and hindsight, all of the things humans have that animals, (as far as we know,) do not, plays a role outside of instinct and chemistry :) Loving it all around after many years is always awesome to hear! :)

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lukestokes (75) · 7 years ago

Have you seen conversations with Koko or some of the amazing things elephants, dolphins, ravens, and more can do? We may not be the only ones with the ability to think and reason with foresight and hindsight. We might just do it a lot better than any other currently. There's a video I saw recently about the complex problems ravens could figure out that blew my mind.

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dreemit (71) · 7 years ago

Actually, yes, I do believe that animals are capable of a lot more than is generally recognized.

But I've given the subject of 'feelings' a great deal of thought. I grew up in a strict christian household-by strict I mean faith in church doctrine, Jesus as the only way to Heaven, any other path leads to eternal hell etc. My parents are actually very loving people, it just happens to be what they truly believe through and through, and I was told this from the time I could think. So let's just say that I've not come across a level of brainwashing as unbelievably difficult to overcome than this.

But when I did force myself to face the many discrepancies, when it became apparent that I wasn't capable of the blind faith expected of me, I went through a period of mourning initially and then a long period where I was numb. Like every single chemical that produces feelings got shut off. I was in my later twenties and my children were about four and seven. But even though I was scarily void emotion wise, I still wanted my family to be well on an intellectual level, I logically knew how important it was for my kids to feel loved. I also knew that it was occurring because I had lost my center and my foundation and therefore I needed to find out what those things were. I had to rebuild myself from the bottom up, a task so initially overwhelming that I'm certain it's the reason I shut down.
My husband helped by taking over a lot of the things I would normally do, like reading at bedtime etc. And he listened when I wanted to talk, was silent when I didn't. And, long story short, I made it through the 'dark age', my children the none the wiser. (They actually do know about it now, they're teenagers and we discuss everything ;)
My point here is that as much as animals are capable of, I don't think they're capable of knowing that they've become emotionally or psychologically damaged and in knowing this then able to mostly function as before until they heal. To "Act as if" To "fake it till you make it" . lol.
I could be wrong though. I am not one to put definite's on things, if there's anything I know for sure it's that there is a whole hell of a lot I don't know :)

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3 votes

surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

I just simply adore him. He's my best friend and confidante, desirable to me in all ways from the way his brain works to everything else.

That sounds so beautiful, @dreemit and I'm incredibly happy for you!
I don't think chemistry can explain everything. Probably it's a mix of all these elments put together. Whatever it is: keep it up!

Big hugs!!!

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charles1 (68) · 7 years ago (edited)

Good point however modern society / ladies will never accept a man being polygamous and open about it hence why many tend to lie in order to satisfy their urge for new , sweet and fresh thing!!!! men are polygamous in nature only descipline and society plus real/ extreme love will make a man to be monogamous . However some women (married or in relationship) are even worse . But still we should be able to control ourselves

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connecteconomy (71) · 7 years ago

however modern society / ladies will never accept a man being polygamous and open about it

That is a judgment and a little too general. I think the emphasis is on "being open (and honest) about it" which I think was also Marly's point.

When you're not open about it, you take her choice (voice) away. That's the worst thing you can do to "a modern woman" these days. (Not you personally of course ;))
And even a monogamous woman might have phases in her life where she's single and takes a break from monogamy - why not? As long as she can make a conscious choice about it.

The "modern woman" just doesn't like lies :)

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charles1 (68) · 7 years ago

Good point, however no human being like lies including the old school or ancient women (however society or traditon silenced them ) Human spirit and emotions should be respected (on both sides)

connecteconomy (71) · 7 years ago

yes, true!

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charles1 (68) · 7 years ago

Thanks my dear. In addition to my last comment, feel free to join the conversation in my new post about future of steem...it will motivate you more about steem . More success to you.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

And even a monogamous woman might have phases in her life where she's single and takes a break from monogamy - why not? As long as she can make a conscious choice about it.

Thanks for this one, I couldn't agree more! :)

The "modern woman" just doesn't like lies :)

Point for you, @connecteconomy!
I wonder if there was ever any woman who liked that...

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connecteconomy (71) · 7 years ago

True. But we can't know for sure that there wasn't... ;)
I actually could imagine social circumstances, or silent agreements where people prefer to be lied to (in order not to have to deal with something they don't want to deal with, or whatever). Interesting thing to ponder.

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lukestokes (75) · 7 years ago

I think the "men are polygamous by nature" argument isn't a closed one, though I did read Sex at Dawn which does make some interesting points along those lines. The nature vs. nurture debate is a tricky one we're still trying to tease out. With many hundreds or even thousands of years, is it possible women could be socially conditioned to respond sexually to visual stimuli? It's not an easy question to answer. Until we know the specifics on a biological level, it's tricky to say, though when it comes to different sexes, the hormone chemicals involved do seem to be an obvious difference. Maybe we're way off topic now, I'm not sure. Hahah.

Good video, thanks for sharing.

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charles1 (68) · 7 years ago

blame it on excessive testosterone haha

your points are valid, however it depends on societal perception of good and wrong in that regard. Our forefathers were crowned heros if they can marry upto 10+ wives and take care of all (you know what I mean) -which showed wealth too (hundreds of years ago and I remember, do you?) however , it is no longer cool in our modern society which I find great because it is less stressful for gentle men like us!!!

lukestokes (75) · 7 years ago

Also interesting to consider how in some cultures where women routinely go topless, seeing female breasts is no big deal. While in others a nude ankle might drive someone crazy. So clearly there is a cultural component to it, and this video pretends there is none. Why would they do that unless they are going for simple answers to complex questions?

Also interesting how in many species it's the males who invest in peacock feather approaches with visual stimuli to get the females. Then there's the difference in investment of offspring to consider and so much more.

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charles1 (68) · 7 years ago

Another good anylsis especially with regard to animal kingdom where my dog , hyenas , Lion et al mark their territtory with Urine and even use it to lure the opposite sex

Moreover, after seeing @surfermarly pic in this post, many men will like what they see...including me , (even if I were to be a catholic priest ) however I will pray for self control....

sneak (64) · 7 years ago

Good point however modern society / ladies will never accept a man being polygamous and open about it

This is nonsense.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Yes. It's already taking place.

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dreemit (71) · 7 years ago

In a way, but I've never heard of it working out in the long term. I'm sure there is an exception somewhere :)

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

I've got some friends in Germany who are happily living like that since a couple of years. It wouldn't be my concept, but I admire that they have chosen it :-)

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charles1 (68) · 7 years ago

I agree with you however not totally nonsense my freind. It depends on who you meet. Never say nonsense to a view point which can be backed by real life examples. .Pls join the conversation in my new post where I referenced you . Wish you and your team more success

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charles1 (68) · 7 years ago

Wir müssen uns treffen in Nurnberg

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finnian (58) · 7 years ago

It's a personal choice. If you want to be a player though, don't lie to someone saying you're not one. ;-)

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Yeah, it definitely is a choice - like always :) Plus: there is nothing wrong with having 10 affairs at the same time (when all of these 10 don't believe/hope they are the only ones).

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lukestokes (75) · 7 years ago

I wonder if there's a correlation between those who want to be a player and those who are willing to lie in order to increase their chances of playing the most number of people. I suspect there is.

That said, if polyamory was more socially acceptable, I also wonder if that would change people's perceptions, biases, and opinions on monogamy/polyamory. If people were cool with it, there'd be no motivation to lie. Ultimately, it should come down to consent and what works best for our species, I guess.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Ultimately, it should come down to consent and what works best for our species, I guess.

Absolutely! I even believe that "open relationships" are a very healthy concept in the end. In this post I didn't want to judge at all, I hope that was clear :-) Everybody should find their own path, as long as they don't lie.

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fredrikaa (70) · 7 years ago

Now this is the type of articles I love to read! Happy to have come across you. :)

It's an interesting time we live in, where we can choose between:

1 Educating ourselves out of our primal instincts, recognising them for what they are, and distinguishing them from the principles and value that our reason wants us to pursue.

2 Recognise that we live in a time where we are free to "trigger" these desires that make us happy at will. Understanding that whether we like it or not, we carry this evolutionary baggage and may as well choose to use it for the pleasures it may provide during our limited lives.

I doubt there's any objective right or wrong here, and that different people place different weight on the importance of following the values and principles they believe in. For me, this has always been fairly easy though. I've used my reason to establish the principles and values I cherish and know that I obtain far higher aggregated well-being, and fewer feelings of doubt and regret, long term when I live by them, compared to any short term pleasures disobeying them might grant.

Thank you for the post. Found a new follower in me :)

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

You are absolutely right @fredrikaa, there is no right or wrong. Mostly, when we're talking about social bonds, relationships and interperonal "rules" it's complicated to find one path for all of us.

I've used my reason to establish the principles and values I cherish and know that I obtain far higher aggregated well-being, and fewer feelings of doubt and regret, long term when I live by them, compared to any short term pleasures disobeying them might grant.

Yes. In the end it's a personal decision in favor of long term contentment. It's usually hard to achieve real pleasure in constantly breaking the rules we established by ourselves.

I was already following you and am happy we're connected mutually now :)
Thanks for your valuable adding! This comment could have easily been a post on its own.

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fredrikaa (70) · 7 years ago

Perhaps I'll expand a little bit on each point then and make a post on it sometime in the future. So thank you for the idea and encouragement ^^

Yes, it's nice to be connected. I usually miss out on who is following me unless they also comment on my posts. I try to spend more time and VP rewarding engagement and building relationships rather than all this "follow for follow" behaviour that results in no engagement.

Looking forward to your future posts:)

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

I try to spend more time and VP rewarding engagement and building relationships rather than all this "follow for follow" behaviour that results in no engagement.

That's exactly the way I'm handling it, too :-)

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finnian (58) · 7 years ago (edited)

As a Private Investigator in Virginia, I cannot agree more with your post.

Do what you say you're going to do, and then do it. That includes keeping your word. When you commit to someone, you have given your word.

If you have an open relationship agreed by everyone involved, that's fine. If you do not though, beware. You will get caught.

Infidelity, unfortunately, is many PI's "bread and butter." I'd rather not be catching cheaters too, but there's a TON of satisfaction in providing the truth to a person who deserves it.

I didn't ruin your life. YOU did.

P.S. Women cheat too, but I laughed at the "Does your wife know you're single?" graphic. haha

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago (edited)

Oh wow, I've never met a private investigator in my life!
Your job must be very adventurous though...

Do what you say you're going to do, and then do it. That includes keeping your word. When you commit to someone, you have given your word.

I couldn't agree more. That's 100% my philosophy. However, it seems that many people have trouble in keeping their word. Somethings it's more comfortable to not care, to not being considerate of anything or anybody and to not respect.

P.S. Women cheat too, but I laughed at the "Does your wife know you're single?" graphic. haha

Of course they do. Who if not you might know that :-)

Thanks for your valuable thoughts!

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team101 (61) · 7 years ago

Very well done post, Marly. Marriage is a commitment and requires hard work that many aren't willing to do. Also, I've observed over the years that everything can be going along fine, seemingly, and something happens like a job change, an illness , etc. and the marriage or relationship is in trouble. Also, I believe one's core values play a huge role. When the trust is gone it is almost impossible to rebuild.

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finnian (58) · 7 years ago

If someone cheats once, more than likely they will cheat again.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago (edited)

Also, I believe one's core values play a huge role.

This.
I think it's aaaall about values here. If you don't bring them with you, it'll be hard to navigate that ship to the next harbour.

Of course it's hard work. Relationships mean that you grow together. Nothing worth comes easy :)

Thanks for your valuable comment, I appreciated it a lot!

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welovesteemit (50) · 7 years ago

Full 100% and resteemed :-)

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Thank youuuuu :-))

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dreemit (71) · 7 years ago

Maybe my husband and I are just the exceptions, I don't know. I watched Luke's video, it was interesting, but it can't explain everything. (I wrote him a long comment you can read lol)

You are so beautiful, a kind spirit, full of joy, it's hard to imagine that there wouldn't be many men who would not want you all for themselves and forever :)

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Thank you so much for your lovely words my dear @dreemit 😍😍😍
Mr. Right is still out there. I bet he's a surfer. Just giving him a hint. Haha!

Now I will jump over to your comment on Luke's video :)

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evolved08gsr (57) · 7 years ago

So dear future ex affair of mine, here's what I wanna let you know: if you're a hunter, then be. And if you wanna be a swan, then be.

But don't try to be both.

It's impossible and will only lead to trouble and pain.

This is so true. If you want to "conform" with society, make sure that you're ready and willing to do it. If you truly want to spend your life with one person, make sure that you find the RIGHT person!

Trial and error is how all good things come about.. so go out there and live. Trials are your dates and/or relationships. Errors are the Failed Trials. Eventually you'll learn more about yourself, and learn more about others, and learn exactly what you want (if you even still want to be in a relationship or not).

Now I could go down a whole other rabbit hole of men's instincts to procreate, but that would cause a whole different conversation about self control and nature vs nurture and survival of the fittest and countless more "evolutionary" learnings.

Thanks for the post :)

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Trial and error is how all good things come about..

Sure! Life is learning, and we are the sum of our choices and decisions.

Now I could go down a whole other rabbit hole of men's instincts to procreate, but that would cause a whole different conversation about self control and nature vs nurture and survival of the fittest and countless more "evolutionary" learnings.

Would you touch the scientifical approach Luke mentioned above then? Well actually I would love to hear/read more about it. But maybe you should just write an article about it then...? :)

Thank YOU for commenting! I enjoyed it much.

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evolved08gsr (57) · 7 years ago

Anytime :)

Maybe I'll think about how to write this. I feel like it would take me weeks to edit and review! haha

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Haha, doesn't it feel always like that if you're going to write about something really important...? :)

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evolved08gsr (57) · 7 years ago

Always! It becomes a daunting task. Then I think "ok, I'll split it into multiple posts" ... but that doesn't always help either haha

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arckrai (62) · 7 years ago

The most important thing is for someone to stay faithful. If someone does lie I feel as if my love for them isn't reciprocated and that is the worst feeling ever. To be so widely in love with some and not be loved back.

Commitment is something people find difficult but it is one of the main factors that secure your love @surfermarly! :)

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

To be so widely in love with some and not be loved back.

In my opinion you can't ever ask anybody to love you back. But you can ask him/her to be honest.

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admyrer (48) · 7 years ago

Direct from the heart . I feel it . Sadly the heart place rates rather low in a modern world .

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Most of the time my writings come directly from the heart :-) But yes, this one, too.
Nobody is responsible for your own doings, not even "the modern world". It's a questions of having values or not.

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zeidlitwhips (51) · 7 years ago

Precise and to the point, I look that but as you put if you try the monogamy way there's a very high chance both can ruin it and in today's society it seems old fashioned but they don't realize it's a grave mistake to play with people's feelings. My opinion is stay true to yourself and your partner and if you can't then jump in the frying pan of life lessons. Nice post and cheers 👍

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

My opinion is stay true to yourself and your partner

I fully agree. If you start with yourself, you've accomplished a lot already :)
Most people don't realize that lying also means lying to oneself.

Thanks for your thumbs up :)

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sgtechservices (64) · 7 years ago

I definitely needed this advice @surfermarly. It's good to remember these things at this point in my life when I am still looking for that special someone. Thanks for the post. I always appreciate the effort that you put into your posts.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Thanks for your lovely comment, @sgtechservices!

Nobody's perfect, we're all here to learn. If we tried to hurt others the less possible when making decisions, we'd be a huge step ahead :)

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sgtechservices (64) · 7 years ago

You're so right @surfermarly.

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charles1 (68) · 7 years ago (edited)

Not all men are players!!! I am different , a real gentleman . Moreover some women are also cheaters , a lot of them are... even married , engaged and those in relationship...so it depends on who you meet, however such behaviour is not good.

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4 votes

surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago (edited)

I should do a post about the comments given here :)
It's funny that some of you instantly replied: "Hey, but women also cheat!"
Of course they do! I didn't say they don't... But this is an open letter to MY future ex affairs, and since I don't date girls this is dedicated to men.

The fact that women also cheat doesn't touch the main point of this post which is:

"There is nothing wrong with having a billion different partners at the same time, as long as no one of them believes that he/she is the only one."

Nice swan btw :-)

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charles1 (68) · 7 years ago

You are perfectly correct, self control and being truthful is the key. see my up response to @lukestokes comment as it relates to the post too.
I think that you are a lovable person and even if I were to be a catholic Priest, I will still fall in love with you!!!!!!!! because you are a lovable person und Sehr Süß...however I will pray for self control

cornholio (50) · 7 years ago

Lake Titicaca.....Nicaragua! Aqua! For my bunghole....

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tshering-tamang (61) · 7 years ago

Have you been cheated on or have you ever cheated on someone? Don't know if you'd answer this one. ;D

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago (edited)

Of course I answer this one :-) I've come to know several men that cheated on their wifes/girlfriends, meaning that we had an affair and they didn't tell me the truth. They were married, dads, future dads having their pregnant girl at home, recently engaged,... the whole program.
Also one of my ex boyfriends cheated on me a couple of years back. We broke up for this reason.

Question for you: Would I write such an article if cheating was a serious option for me? :-) People are unable to decide - not only when it comes to relationships. They love having their back doors open (just in case), independently if this might hurt someone else.

Polygamy only works if all of the parties agree on it.

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tshering-tamang (61) · 7 years ago

That's true. The circumstances a person is in might create such situations too. Polygamy is culture in parts of Manang, Mustang, Dolpa in Nepal. Backup if one husband dies another's available 😂. I guess it's Polyandre not Polygamy though.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Backup if one husband dies another's available 😂

Haha, that's a nice point of view actually.

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patriotwargamer (47) · 7 years ago

I have a different take on this, and definitely not the norm.

I met my g/f at a friends party. It turns out she was a high class call girl in London's west end.
We ended up as boyfriend and girlfriend, and working together -and were deeply in Love.
(yes - all the stereotypical images going through your heads, is probably correct- and more besides)
We were together 3 years in 'the industry' . Obviously sexual jelousy wasn't even a thing, and never a cause of any insecurities. - but there was never any lies or deception either, which is more relevant than anything else here.

We stopped working in the industry - for a change of scenery, nothing more, and leased a tropical island beach resort with the proceeds.
Within 20 months of this business, we had split up. ( no partying, different lifestyle).

One size does NOT fit all when it comes to relationships, is all I'm saying.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

One size does NOT fit all when it comes to relationships, is all I'm saying.

I fully agree and that's actually what I said in my article: it's about making decisions. You did that and are definitely a wonderful example. However, there are many people who are too weak to compromise.

I'm glad you lived such a wonderful love story.
It happend to me, too, a couple of years back in my very first relationship so I can relate. It was even love at first sight. We saw each other (at a basketball game) and knew we were meant to be together. The next day we started to be a couple, and during 6 years we were inseparable. Then we developed into different directions and broke up (peacefully), but still this was something special.

Every story is different as we are all different.

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patriotwargamer (47) · 7 years ago

I am posting my 'a call girl. a couple. an adventure. #2 in the next hour or so- you will appreciate it , and understand it, more than most, I think. I would love you to read it! (#1, and fork in the road#1 - you might like. too!)
Enjoy
Cheers

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bloomberg215 (54) · 7 years ago

Nice post. I agree, that monogamy is hard to achieve, specially in this fast world. I believe that we live in the world of cause and effect, so truth will come up in the end.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago (edited)

Monogamy is hard to achieve, specially in this fast world.

It's not the world that has influence on our attitude. It's the other way around :-)

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kingslayer (47) · 7 years ago

Very well written @surfermarly and on this photo you look just like my future Ex ! who would guess 😮

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

on this photo you look just like my future Ex

LOL - thanks for that one :-))

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kingslayer (47) · 7 years ago

You're welcome dear , I just can't fail to notice the obvious ! :)

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kenhudoy (61) · 7 years ago

@surfermarly
for you i will be a swan! awesome photo at the beach... nice outfit dear...
and very on point... most men are single with wife at home... which rminds me of my two related posts family first and absentee husbands on the rise... men are polygamous in nature always wanting to have a taste of something new but mostly with their hearts at home... but its life...has been with us for ages...
thanks for sharing this ...good one..

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago (edited)

for you i will be a swan!

Hahaha, that sounds like the title of a new song! :-)

men are polygamous in nature always wanting to have a taste of something new but mostly with their hearts at home... but its life...has been with us for ages...

I think it's nothing wrong with that. Whenever she accepts that, they will be living happily until the end of their lives :-)

Thanks for stopping by!

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kenhudoy (61) · 7 years ago

welcome dear... and from where I come from they usually say that " men never rejects breast suckling" which motivated me to send a post on breastfeeding...babes versus men ...quite a good read...check it out and do also check out my latest on toilet selfie... a lil humor for the week wouldn't be that bad..;)

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jeffhand (49) · 7 years ago

If you commit to love one person in a monogamous relationship then you are cheating yourself if you cheat.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Correct.

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adviser (58) · 7 years ago

Have a nice day
Your post has touched my mind.
You wrote so beautifully, that started to follow you.
Thank you for your great sharing.

mrblu (62) · 7 years ago

@surfermarly great post..love it..i upvoted you..kindly see my love story poem hope you love it..https://steemit.com/poetry/@mrblu/blupost-poetry-our-love-story

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bikash1993 (15) · 7 years ago

Nice look.

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rizasukma (63) · 7 years ago

A very good post :-)

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essar76 (43) · 7 years ago

Single woman come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married woman come home, see what's in bed and go to fridge.

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generation.easy (65) · 7 years ago

Here is my take...

Women have too many expectations of what a man "should" be...
Women cheat just as much in this society...
Commitment is a 2way street.

Idk, Ive witnessed more of my guy friends getting broken hearts compared to the girls i know.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago (edited)

I've been waiting for this comment since I pressed the publish button :-)
Of course, this applies also to women. But since I don't date girls, I don't write them letters either...

Women have too many expectations of what a man "should" be...

So we shouldn't expect any type of fidelity then?

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gigpen (48) · 7 years ago

Well put, if you can't handle one, how will you manage many? The die is cut, stick to what you go after all, love is just accepting what your partners is all about!

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kenhudoy (61) · 7 years ago

@gigpen
nice comment dear... and very on point...love is just accepting what your partners is all about!

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cloudspyder (59) · 7 years ago

I wonder why women was so mysterious. The way they think is always different on what they do. Its always the opposite of the man's instinct.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

I think that's this "Mars & Venus" problem. Probably I should do another post some day :-))

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fury123 (59) · 7 years ago

This was a much needed article, in today's world people need to understand what they really want and have to stop playing games with each other. Thank you for sharing this!

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crystalize (56) · 7 years ago

Amen to that! Thanks for sharing this great message.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Thank YOU for stopping by :)

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abh12345 (76) · 7 years ago

You got sand on your butt.

errrr.....i mean.... Women cheat too!!!!!!! no wait, that wasn't it..... did i tell you you have sand on your butt? :p :p :p

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

LOL.... oh maaaaaaaaan :-D
You know what: I didn't even see it until you told me!!!

Just kidding...

abh12345 (76) · 7 years ago

bahaha :D

Evil post about cheats, with your butt in the blog... pure evil genius!

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

LOL - Boys who complicated my life mostly regretted afterwards, haha
You perfectly read my face though.

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connecteconomy (71) · 7 years ago

Sehr schönes Post von einer modern woman! :) "Does your wife know you're single" LOL

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Haha, yeah this quote really hits the nail :-))

Thanks for your nice comment (above), I really appreciated it!

Have a great day/evening.

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moeki (25) · 7 years ago

my thoughts exactly.... be true and honest.., not lying makes you loyal.... I as a woman would respect that greatly.

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gikitiki (60) · 7 years ago

Beautiful post and photo.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Thanks! :)

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stackin (78) · 7 years ago

I just live life lol :)

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Yeah, these are the words I've heard very often in this context... LOL

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pia-ps (47) · 7 years ago

A very nice post. It made me smile. Thanks

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leotrap (72) · 7 years ago

OMG

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maulanagogo (44) · 7 years ago

beautiful scenery...

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cobalus (56) · 7 years ago

Thus, there is nothing more unsexy and unattractive than a man who can't decide (on the right girl).

Das kann ich aber nur an euch Frauen zurück geben! Da finde ich Unsicherheit genauso unsexy.

Ich denke man(n) braucht schon eine Phase der Selbstfindung, bevor man(n) wirklich weiß wer man(n) ist, oder was man(n) will.

Wenn man(n) allerdings in einer monogamen Beziehung lebt und die Frau darin betrügt, dann liegt das eher in einer schlechten Kommunikation eigener Bedürfnisse und Begierden, anstatt dem "angeborenen" Jäger und Sammler Klischee.

Ich will gar nicht wissen wie viele Scheidungskinder man sich sparen könnte, wenn Eltern sich einfach mal hinsetzen und über ihre Probleme reden, anstatt bis zu einem nicht mehr tolerierbaren Moment alles in sich hinein zu fressen und dabei dann am Ende ohne Rücksicht auf Verlust nur noch auf die eigenen Bedürfnisse zu achten.

Dir viel Spaß bei der eigenen Jagd und spiel nicht zu viel mit deiner Beute ;)

Liebe Grüße

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Das kann ich aber nur an euch Frauen zurück geben!

Lies doch nochmal die Überschrift meines Artikels. Fühlst Du Dich angesprochen? ;-) Ich date selten Mädchen, daher geht dieser Brief an die Jungs. Kannst ja auch einen schreiben...

Ich will gar nicht wissen wie viele Scheidungskinder man sich sparen könnte, wenn Eltern sich einfach mal hinsetzen und über ihre Probleme reden

Stelle mir das Gespräch gerade vor: "Schatz ich habe Bock das Kindermädchen zu vögeln." "Ja Mensch, was machen wir denn da?" :-D
Manche Dinge muss man mit sich selbst ausmachen - vorallem die eigene Wertvorstellung.

Dir viel Spaß bei der eigenen Jagd und spiel nicht zu viel mit deiner Beute ;)

Die meisten stehen drauf :-)

Sonnige Grüße!

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cobalus (56) · 7 years ago

Nein, ich fühle mich nicht angesprochen, aber ich lese regelmäßig deine Einträge und mir war danach mal wieder meine Meinung zu kommentieren (:

Wenn man den Wunsch artikuliert Sex mit einer anderen Person zu wollen, dann hat man immerhin noch die Chance das "wieso" zu klären und Defizite aufdecken. Außerdem kann man dann die Beziehung rechtzeitig beenden, wenn man sich auf dieser Ebene in der Partnerschaft nicht genügt, anstatt den Partner zu betrügen.

Ich bin da kein Freund des egoistischen Ansatzes, der mit Scheuklappen nur die eigenen Wertvorstellungen erfüllen möchte, aber wenn du damit gut fährst, dann nur zu.

Die meisten stehen drauf :-)

Na dann ergänzt ihr euch ja grandios.

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Schau Dir am besten mal das Video an, das Luke weiter oben gepostet hat. Das finde ich bei der Frage nach dem "wieso Sex mit anderen" ziemlich passend :-)

Wenn man den Wunsch artikuliert Sex mit einer anderen Person zu wollen, dann hat man immerhin noch die Chance das "wieso" zu klären und Defizite aufdecken.

Aus eigener Erfahrung kann ich Dir sagen, dass das extrem schwer ist, weil es maximale Toleranz vom Partner erfordert.

Ich glaube nicht, dass Werte etwas mit Egoismus zu tun haben - und schon gar nicht, wenn es dabei um das Thema Partnerschaft geht. Einem Partner IMMER ALLES zu kommunizieren ist oftmals verletzender als gewisse Fragen mit sich selbst auszumachen.

Trotzdem bin ich natürlich total bei Dir, dass per se in Beziehungen (zu) wenig geredet wird. Ist halt unbequem über Probleme zu sprechen, und das kann auch nicht jeder ohne gleich emotional zu werden.

Ich sollte einen Artikel über die Kommentare hier schreiben - ist ein bisschen wie eine Sozialstudie :-)

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sylejmanbajgora (45) · 7 years ago

heheh great blog @surfermarly

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taylor.swift (45) · 7 years ago

Upvoted. I'm going to resteem this now :)

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Thank you :-)

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arcange (73) · 7 years ago

Congratulations @surfermarly!
Your post was mentioned in the hit parade in the following category:

Comments - Ranked 9 with 108 comments

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stendekq (33) · 7 years ago

Wow, nice:-):-)

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elfrances185 (54) · 7 years ago

Wow. This is another level of beauty @surfermarly

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

I hope you're not only referring to the pictures but also to the writing :-D

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ionlysaymeep (50) · 7 years ago

meep

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

If you come to Steemfest I wanna pull down your costume and have a REAL conversation with you :-D I know what you gonna reply now... haha

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musicgeek (60) · 7 years ago

Now that will become interesting, full upvote for undressing - i upvoted another comment just now with full percentage @surfermarly - but a full undressing of both of you will result in a 800% upvote

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

LOL - I promised to get naked whenever I could a couple of weeks back. Someone on this blockchain inspired me to do so, and I'll be grateful until the rest of my days :-D

Happy evening @musicgeek!!!

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ionlysaymeep (50) · 7 years ago

meep

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raist (52) · 7 years ago

Stay faithful or stay single -- well said

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stefen (58) · 7 years ago

Future ex affair? Lol are you going to breakup with your future boyfriend? :-P

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surfermarly (74) · 7 years ago

Reading the text helps to answer many questions :-)

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