I met a lady yesterday. Through our conversations online, before our eventual meeting, I had rightly assumed she was battling with low self-esteem. She had no confidence in herself. She was fighting an inner battle of, what Brian Tracy called low self-concept.
I had thought in my mind that on meeting her I will look for something I admire in her and expressly and genuinely tell her that and praise her for that.
I got to our meeting point before her, as I had wanted. I am very good at sighting people from afar even if we had never met.
I saw her before she could see me. On sighting me, she was wowed. I knew. It was written all over her face and she had no courage to hide the feeling.
She strolled up and down like someone who lost his last kobo on his way home not knowing how to approach me - another low self-esteem evidence.
There were a lot of people there so it was not nice and uncivilized calling her by her name afar. So I dialed her number but she didn't pick it. On another trial, she did.
"I am at XYZ"
"OK".
I ended the call.
As a public speaker who knows what eye contact does in talking to someone, I didn't hesitate to maintain eye contact with her throughout our discussion of about fifteen minutes.
As I did, I was particularly looking for what I admire in her just to restore her lost self-confidence or unrealized one.
I discovered her eyeball was endearing so also her incisor was inviting.
At a silent filler, I told her, " I like your eyeballs. They are good looking for a beholder".
I am not a sayer, but I reasonably assume she had either not had someone told her that before or it been long she heard such complementary.
Because it was genuine, I told her two more times before we departed.
I know that complementary may not completely turn around her self-confidence, but it would make her at least love herself, which is where self-esteem begins.
She would look at herself later and say, "so my eyeballs are great?" She would repeatedly say, "I am not bad after all". She would say positive things to herself and what helps to drastically bring one's self-confidence if not positive self-talk?
Did I lose anything by making her feel better?
No.
Did I gain anything?
Only I can answer that.
But have I added value?
Yes. I made her feel better.
Like Dale said in his famous book, How To Win Friends and Influence People, while he too was quoting John Dewey, the desire to be important is the deepest urge in human history. In order words, what we all crave for, inwardly and outwardly is the feeling that we are cherished, loved and valued. A wife wants his husband to cherish her. Same for an employee by an employer. The same with friends.
Self-esteem, as proposed by Abraham Maslow, is the highest need of human. Wouldn't it be nice if you help one achieve his highest desire?
At every opportunity, make the other person feel better. Help raise his self-esteem. You lose nothing by lifting others. Become a soul lifter.
"Do good to people when you have the means to do. Because good deed doesn't stay on human forever" - Anonymous
Good evening.
Kazeem Abolore.
Innovative Teacher. Creative Writer. Personal Effectiveness Strategist.