I feel sad right now - Part 2

So it seems like I am still participating within the self-sabotage pattern identified in this post.

This warrants another look at the pattern.

I forgive myself for continuing to deny myself self-expression because I am afraid what type of reaction it'll elicit within my mother.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear eliciting a negative response within my mother due to my self-expression.
I forgive myself for not allowing myself to not realize that my response to experiencing this fear is to then sabotage myself or prevent myself from expressing myself.

When and as I see myself go into a behavioral reaction pattern of self-sabotage/self-suppression as and related to fear of eliciting a negative reaction within my mother, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize, and understand that I cannot control how my mother will react to my self-expression but that doesn't take away it's necessity in my life. Thus, I commit myself to express myself in ways that excite and support me and are able to be appreciated by people in my life.