For many years I didn't consider myself a manipulator. I thought of myself as someone that was giving and kind, and often taken advantage of or unappreciated by the people around me.
What I have learned after a lot of self-honesty is that I wasn't okay with myself, resulting in me wanting approval from others. I would go out of my way for friends to gain acceptance. I would play whatever part I needed to in order to make the people around me okay with me.
Never disagreeable, buying them things, taking their side... but all of it was manipulation because at the end of the day I wasn't okay with someone not liking me. So I would manipulate everyone around me by being whatever I thought they wanted me to be.
In the end, it resulted in me hating myself more and putting unrealistic expectations on my relationships. If I was good enough, smart enough, nice enough, funny enough, then I would get what I wanted right?..
That isn't how life works.
I have realized it is more important to seek peace within yourself, and to be okay with other people not being okay with you. Have your own beliefs, opinions and life regardless of what other people are doing.
