What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is a measure of a person’s own self-worth or self-value. Whether a person respects, values, and appreciates themselves all determine their self-esteem. People with high self-esteem generally feel good about themselves and like their personality and how others view them. They have an easy time making decisions and building relationships. People with low self-esteem might often feel self-critical, negative, or even depressed. They might struggle to make decisions or build fulfilling relationships.
What Affects Self-Esteem?
Your life experience.
Your social status.
Your age.
Your genetics.
Your diet.
How to Build Self-Esteem?
If someone tries to give you a “get self-esteem quick” formula, they’re probably selling you a quick fix.
The truth is: There is NO quick fix for rock-solid self-esteem. Building self-esteem takes time, so don’t be hard on yourself about getting it all done fast. Let’s take it week by week. Follow this framework, and you’ll be on your way to a lifetime of high self-esteem:
Now let’s take a look at one of the biggest influences on self-esteem nowadays…
Week 1: Do a Social Media Cleanse
Many people who use social media will tell you it’s the bee’s knees. They’ll say it’s great to connect with friends, stay up to date on trends, the whole nine yards. This isn’t the problem with social media. The problem with social media is it’s really hard to shelter yourself from the bad effects social media can have on your self-esteem. Like, SUPER hard. We humans are terrible at it.
Week 2: Cut Out Toxic Friends
Toxic friends are what happen when friendships go bad. You know, those kinds of friends we don’t actually like to hang around because they constantly talk behind our backs, attack our dreams, and generally affect our self-esteem. Toxic friends can be:
- a colleague who you’re nice to only at work
- that annoying neighbor you avoid making eye contact with because his dog always poops in your yard
- your roommate who snores loudly and always blasts ’90s hair metal
- an overly attached friend
Week 3: Clean Your Environment
Right now, I’m going to take a wild guess and say your environment could be a bit… cleaner.
And that’s not to say it’s dirty, but we could all use some spring cleaning now and then.
Week 4: Create Micro Wins
In order to build up rock-solid self-esteem, we’ve got to find a way to build up small wins every day. I call these micro wins. Micro Win: Doing something that creates a small burst of confidence, capability, or pride. Think of these small wins as a light at the end of the tunnel. The more small wins you rack up, the brighter the light gets. Nice! Now, since we’ve already talked about cleaning, let’s go one step deeper. Let’s clean up the trifecta—your health, wealth, and mindset.
Week 5: Develop Your Mission Statement
I want to introduce you to Jay Shetty, author of Think Like a Monk. Not only is Jay a former monk but he also knows quite a bit about finding your true purpose. And it’s not just about finding what you’re skillful at or what you’re passionate about: it’s about finding the perfect blend of BOTH.
Week 6: Do Something Uncomfortable
Maybe your self-esteem needs a new danger to tackle. Really, your self-esteem LOVES conquering challenges. You’ve focused; now it’s time to do something big. Do the BIG thing, like take a course. Or go to a new place. Or give a public speech.
Week 7: Build Your Social System
There’s only ONE big rule when it comes to making lasting friendships:
Make high-quality friends. (OK, there are more. But this is one of the MOST important.) Since we’ve cut out our toxic friends (you didn’t skip that step, did you?), we can now move on to build mode. Study after study shows how important friends are to our self-esteem.
Week 8: Quit Negative Self-Talk
Our minds constantly listen to our internal self-talk. What do you have on repeat in your head?
Can you relate to this?
You’re giving a presentation when you accidentally trip up on a word.
You immediately think, “Oh no! Everyone’s going to think I’m a fool.
Ugh, I can’t believe I’m so stupid.”
You’ve ground out a project, and you think you did great.
But your boss says otherwise. “UGHHH! I’m such a fool!
I should have worked harder. Why can’t I be smart!?”
Conclusion:
If you can implement some of these action items, your self-esteem will increase over time. And remember, it’s going to take TIME to build up that self-esteem. So be easy on yourself and go one step at a time. And if you have a serious lack of self-esteem, I highly recommend seeking out a professional therapist. You can even find an online therapist to talk to through services like MDLive or Amwell.