Seriously? - I'm an expert

in seriously •  7 years ago 

I had a phone call from a guy who started off the conversation by telling me a he was a "Professional Web Developer" which lady's and gentlemen is code for "I'm an expert and know everything there is to know so there!"

Expert: "Hi, I'm building a new website for a mutual customer, can you give me the login details for the CPanel?"

Me: "We do not use CPanel, I'll get you the FTP details."

Expert: "FTP details?"

Me: "Yes, you do know FTP don't you?"

Expert: "Of course I've heard of FTP!"

Me: "With the greatest respect that's not what I asked. I asked if you knew it, as in how to use it?"

Expert: "No I've never used it, I've never had to!"

Me: "Ah, Well it's dead easy although if you're unsure I can upload a copy of Wordpress for you then give you the MySQL details and you can install it yourself?"

Expert: "I'm not sure I know what you mean?"

Me: "You do know how to install Wordpress don't you?"

Expert: "Yes! I've done it hundreds of times!!"

Me: "By install I mean installed it from a browser, gave the MySQL details and set the password?"

He didn't actually say this next bit but he might as well have done.

Expert: "What? I've always used HostingForDummies @ £1.50 for fifty five years, you just select what you want installing and the wizard does it all for you."

Me: #Facepalm

I bet every man and his dog knows you on the Wordpress forums. :-(

originally Posted: 30/3/16


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I'm a l337 hacker. I can run all the scripts

Next week: mutual customer calls you to fix whatever this guy has broken.

clarification is very good, very fun when in read.

It's always the same with these "experts" sad.

The trick is to claim long enough that you're an expert and be able to convince others to believe that as well. No actual knowledge needed.

The minute someone tells me "I have a lot of experience" at the top of any conversation before we've even got to the meat of the issue tells me what they're actually doing is trying to dominate from the outset.