"ALL the girls I know have a history of sexual abuse!"
Now that is an exaggeration but such exaggeration is excused when you put into consideration the high proportion of those that actually have been abused, and more alarming, are being abused. Until you get your fair share of abuse, you really won't know why it's hard to speak up when you're the victim. It's almost impossible to say it out loud.
When a female friend says "we need to talk", it takes mighty work to take my mind off sexual abuse because it's mostly that.
"Edotek, lagbaja raped me."
And worse still, it is difficult for me because I feel they expect me to speak wise words which I don't have. Maybe I am smart, but I'm not smart enough to ease that kind of burden.
My first experience with such made me exclaim, "so movies are real after all " - not the kind of movies where robots turn to cars, or zombies attacks the USA and suddenly the world needs saving in that US is saved at the end... It's the kind of movie where a bigger cousin harasses the poor girl that came for holidays, or a step father assaulting his stepdaughter... Or even a pastor harassing church members.
As an avid reader, I read THE ALTER BOY by ANDREW MADDEN when I was 14 or 15. The Alter boy is an autobiographical novel centered on Andrew's constant sexual abuse as an altar boy in church. A Father kept harassing him from a very tender age. Young Andrew who was eager to please the Reverend Father didn't know how to speak out. While Andrew's twin sister got married, he remained single, and bisexual. At best he was homosexual. It took years of 'rehabilitation' to put his life in order, and even he admits in the book that recovery is strenuous.
Now, reading such enlightened me to a whole new world. It became obvious that one crazy person's moment of madness could ruin another person's whole life.
Boys get sexually abused (like crazy... Unbelievable, but it is true), too, but let's face it, the real victims of such are (I'm not a feminist so I'll say this) the weaker vessels... The female.
It's quite natural that while their physique and aura gets them benefits even without trying, it also brings harm. But why should we decide to blame the young beautiful lady for wearing a seemingly short skirt and ignore the fact that the foolish tall/short old/young man is a beast that should be scrapped off the surface of the earth?
Andrew Madden was a boy. It's not gender based. The Reverend Father didn't give Andrew any benefits per se, Andy did everything out of respect for him.
BUT imagine this scenario where Andrew is a girl, an orphan, who has to live with the Reverend Father because he is her sponsor, and while the world respects the giant in white robe, behind the scenes he constantly batters and defiled Andrew? Would Andrew drop out of school? Or what? It is difficult, I tell you.
It is absolutely devilish to prey on sexuality, either to get favors, or grant them. I've come to realize that sexual abuse can never be totally rid of - the female won't stop dressing indecently... The guys won't stop using indecent dressing as an excuse. Damn! It's a crazy world! - we can focus on a more productive pattern of thought, and action.
I know a whole lot of victims who can not speak out, but for one reason or the other have decided to trust me, and here I am, helpless....if I were to be more financially buoyant, maybe I could help some, but as it is, I can't.
WHEN a person tells you about sexual abuse, what do you do?
How do you comfort them?
I really need to know.
And if you were to, let's say, know Andrew as a kid, what would you do?