RE: Frailty

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Frailty

in shortstory •  7 years ago 

I'm not sure if this is fiction or non-fiction, but it seemed very real. And I liked that you worked in the transformation near the end, though I would have loved it if you elaborated a bit more about the waitress and how what she said made the protagonist feel, because you were very descriptive earlier.

This is my first critique on Steem, so please don't take this the wrong way, but I noticed some grammar errors throughout that were a bit distracting.

The heart of the story is clear though.

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No problem! I love criticism as the only way to improve is to learn!

My editing skills are what I need to really improve on. I need to be more stern on my editing, but I have such difficulty looking beyond the words and grammar once it is finished.

This story is fiction. I wrote this with haste as soon as I had this idea. I have been surrounded by such negativity lately and people simply stuck in scenarios that feel helpless, overwhelmed or confused by life itself.

I thought about elaborating on the waitress and protagonist interaction, but I purposely left it vague in contrast to the amount of detail described earlier on. It was simple exchange as intended to imply that sometimes in life something simple as asking how are you is enough to change someones mind depending on how low or broken a spirit may be. It may not make for exciting or clear direction, but I wanted the idea that simplicity and things that cannot be purchased can very well change one's life.

I'm going to go over it and try and do a better job editing it. I hope you enjoyed it none the less and thank you again for the criticism!