Mother’s Day is fast approaching – but it isn’t an easy day for everyone.
Whether you’re estranged, grieving or have a tricky relationship with your mum, the build-up to the big day along with the day itself can be emotionally triggering.
When looking at grief alone, a study conducted by bereavement charity Cruse and YouGov found that 17% of bereaved people in the UK have avoided social media on Mother’s Day, and 10% dread Mother’s Day.
It isn’t always easy to manage alone, so how can you help yourself this week if you’re feeling triggered?
Amy Green, operations manager from Cruse Bereavement Support says first we need to accept the difficulty in the day.
‘Mother’s Day can be a really difficult day for lots of people – especially those who don’t have close relationships with their mum or those people whose mums have died,’ she says.
‘Seeing families celebrating can remind us of the mothers, grandmothers or children we’ve lost.’
These are the ways we can help mitigate that pain.
Reduce the pressure
This can involve setting boundaries.
Amy says: ‘Firstly, don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do – this may include being part of family plans or bringing attention to the day if you don’t want to.’
You might disappoint others in this process, but you have to create space for self-care too.
If you’re missing a mother figure, alternative ways to mark the day alone could involve ‘lighting a candle or planting a flower to remember them, visiting a place that was special to them or writing a letter or a card to them’.
Limit social media
Let’s face it, it’s a Mother’s Day minefield on social media platforms when the day arrives.
‘We know that social media can be a great place for people to share memories of their loved ones, but we also appreciate it can be a lot for people to cope with on days like Mother’s Day,’ Amy says.
‘If you’re looking to avoid social media this Sunday, then we’d recommend spending time with family and friends as a distraction or planning a walk or meal in the sun instead.’
It’s about knowing your limits and perhaps muting the things that will touch on trigger points.
Social media can be helpful if it’s informative of ways to cope, so you could set a boundary on the kind of accounts you engage with.
More: Parenting Quick practical ways to make Mother's Day easier
Plan ahead: If you’re worried about feeling down on Mother’s Day, make sure you plan to spend this day with close friends/other family members so you don’t feel isolated.
Strengthen other support networks: Perhaps there are other people who have played an important parental role in your life. Is there anything significant you could do to celebrate them on this day?
Make Mother’s Day about you: How can you take extra care of yourself on Mother’s Day? What nice things can you plan for yourself? How can you show yourself more compassion and kindness? The gifts and gesture people might be giving to their mother’s, you could decide to give to yourself.
– Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic
Reach out
It’s important to not isolate yourself – especially if you’re disconnecting from social media temporarily.
Amy says: ‘If you are struggling, then it’s important to ask for help.
‘This might mean speaking to friends or family, your GP or contacting Cruse to speak to a trained bereavement volunteer.’
It might be as simple as arranging a comforting coffee with a friend or deeper such as exploring counselling.
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