musings from the sands

I cut open the soft body of the desert, and took from within it the warm liver, and stole it away into my my bag in the night, and left on a cool grey dawn. leaving behind trust and a part of myself I don't understand and cannot get back even if I tried. I feasted upon the meat during my travel and took within the 775 to keep with me forever. the wind of that night whispers between beats of my heart now, sweeping hazy memories of what will never be with them.

out there under pale orange light swallowed up by a night so wide and deep you could swim off into oblivion within it, I met again with the the faceless one. she held within her hand a jewel and the jewel was dull.

she pressed it into my mouth and kissed the back of her hand with lips I could not see while I swallowed it.

blood ran down my forehead as she removed her hand and my lips found themselves unable to part. there is no measure of her shrill madness, there is no quarter given by her fancy. she rests deep within a pit called upon never, and visited often. that night the broken stars above us bled wilted roses and the scent of mistakes made eternally in the heat of lust, despair, and a manic abusive need for one another.

the taste of rust filled my mind and we corroded together into a beast as of yet the world has never been burdened by. eyes upon eyes staring out from underneath a veil never lifted, pale violet skin achingly cold to the touch. wide shapeless horns perversely raised to the hollow universe, blaring the cacophony of obscenity itself. that night we fashioned together a throne for our eternal sins and desires and with my black hands I placed her bare seething flesh upon it and she sat regal and profane on the onyx forged of our lies. a crown scratched from nothing upon her brow. heaving chest breathing in toxicity and exhaling wonderment.

Things you do not want to come across roam out there under the night sky, little love letters she send from her palace out into the world to find me, crawling up the hairs of my legs miles and miles away, reminding me of her touch that evening. things from which whatever abyss we laid together in that evening grow like fungus. her pets she amuses herself with in her new kingdom.

that place calls back, and i get a lump in my throat each and every time I allow myself to wander back to her. I remember the promises and paradoxical vows we made unto one another years and years ago. I remember her laughter and my fear. I her favorite plaything and she is my albatross, misfortune, ideal fantasy and muse of every flag I have raised yet dare not look at. the gravity of this still daily shown with the scars i carry physically and subconsciously.

her clothing ripples as she turns and with one finger crooked, beacons me until the bridal bed of our miscarriage of knowledge. my feet move without my permission and I follow. we shall dance upon the ruins together one day, the heaping pile of everything and the steam shall warm our bones forever as we slide into the void.

what have I done, what force did i dig up all that time ago? her motives eternally obtuse, her need of my actions eternally reaching gently into the back of my mind. like shivering hands into warm clay. Are her delights worth the suffering that usually accompanies them?

I want to say no, but i can only whisper yes in a low hoarse voice.