Ayahuasca, witch hunts and the meaning of life Part I

I had the privilege of participating in an ayahuasca ceremony this weekend. I lived in Ecuador for a year in the mid 90's and while staying in the small village of Vilcabamba we learned that it was a mecca for plant medicine. The idea sparked something in me but I let the limitations of time and travel get in the way. I moved back to the US and started having children, but I never let go of the idea.

21 years later the plant came into my space again and I knew it was time. So surrounded by close friends a a knowledgeable team of Plant experts, body workers, a plant medicine healer I took a journey that I can only describe as life changing.

I had done a lot of psychedelics back in the 90's so I thought I knew what I was in for, I was wrong. They call aya "the grandmother." there is definitely a feeling of maternal nurturing that you experience under her influence. But unlike LSD and mushrooms the entire "trip" took place in my head. For the lack of a better term it was "heady." I was able to guide my thoughts and really approach the subjects I had the intention of working on.

My first journey was 6 months ago. I was terrified until the moment I step into the place. The property was whimsical and welcoming, there were a few faces I recognized. I had kept quiet about going thinking people would judge me, but I walked in a 4 familiar faces greeted me amongst the group of 18. I heard the term "it's about time" giggled in my direction. Working as a midwife for 18 years (now retired) I have been around plants and have used many of them to heal and help in the birth process. I understood that most everything we need to heal our minds and our bodies grows in the dirt, but there was also a stigma that accompanied such beliefs and especially aya. People think herbal medicines are for hippies or people that don't believe in science, neither of which come close to describing me. It was great to not only see familiar faces, but to see the diversity that made up our group. There were teachers, doctors, lawyers. There was no one category you could place them all in. I settled in feeling less scared and more confident.

That initial journey the herbalist decided to take it easy on me. She sensed my fear and considered my tiny body size and have me a quarter of the usual dose, followed by another quarter a while later. I can't tell you how long between because there is no sense of time and I left my phone in my bag for fear I would send out the ultimate drunk dial to my mother. That night my intention was to find "what's next" in my life. I wanted to retire and sell my practice but the fear of losing my identity was overwhelming. I had been a midwife for most of my adult life. I had no idea who I was outside of my career. The medice came on gently and I turned into a social fairy. I ran around mothering the others in the group. I comforted them, I brought them water, I was their mama for the night. The next morning so many of them referenced a time when they were struggling to breakthrough and I appeared at just the right time, supporting them in their process.
I was liberating and I realized my what's next was nothing in particular. That it was time to shed the idea that all I am defined by what I do. That in reality my title wasn't midwife, it was mother. I loved to care for people and that could look a lot of different ways. I sold my practice the next week.

This weekend I went back, 6 months later. The entire group was made of friend and family I had chosen to be there, we made it a private ceremony. I had a few reasons for doing it that way, but mostly it was because there was one person in particular that wanted to journey, but feared it would come out and damage their career. This time I was ready to do some work. I knew I have been resisting something, anything, that would mean living the life of my dreams. It's my dream to travel the world, unchained from that is the evil necessity of money or a job. I was ready to really find the answer to "What's next."

Continue Reading here:
https://steemit.com/spirituality/@moonbatlives/ayahuasca-witch-hunts-and-the-meaning-of-life-part-ii