"Circumstances do not matter. Only state of being matters." Bashar.
No matter my situation in life. How I choose to perceive it at that time will depict my state of being. Before taking A Course In Miracle much of my life was chaotic and wracked with pain and suffering. All of which I believed I deserved and asked for in some way. I believed the world was out to get me and everyone was my enemy. I had been through many trials and tribulations in my growing years. My adult years were not showing much difference. Until....(dramatic music is que'd)
In 2004 I wrecked a motorcycle which left me bedridden and wishing I was dead. This first accident placed me in a wheelchair after 8 months in a bed. As the Dr.'s gave me more medications my body started to shut down. I was dieing a very slow painful death. The diagnoses I would get each time I visited the Dr. was worse and worse. When I reached the bottom of my barrel I prayed to a God I hated and didn't believe in. I took a leap of faith and placed myself in His hands that day.
God gave me Holy Spirit to guide me to the truth and heal me. Holy Spirit started me off by telling me to pay attention to what my body was telling me. As I paid attention I started noticing exactly what my body was saying to me. A lot of what I was eating I was allergic to and didn't even know it. When I stopped eating these things my body was happy. HS then had me paying attention to my emotions and the body's physical responses. Then my thoughts and my body's response. HS has shown me how they are all connected. The body is a tool to help us recognize what it is we think we perceive in any situation.
When the course came to me and my Husband, Alex Reyenga we had no clue who it came from or where. It showed up in our mailbox around 2007. Alex and I did the workbook in 2013 for the first time and ours lives changed dramatically. HS had already been training me for many years to pay attention to the body's signals. When I started the course it was just the same. Pay attention to the thoughts in my head and the things that are triggering me.
As I began to do this I began to realize how much I judge and accept the judgments of others as being truth. Going through custody battles. Medical battles with Dr's wanting me to take pills I do not want. I learned eventually that everything is for my benefit. Even when it does not seem like it at that time.
My first accident showed how much I was valuing the valueless. How much weight I was placing on what the "doctors" opinions were. My family and friends and their judgments. The more I listened the sicker I got and the worse my life became in all areas. The more I tried to hold onto things the more I suffered. The more I believed what I was told the worse my health got. Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Migraines, and general body pain from broken bones and ill health. I was believing the judgments and opinions of others and enacting them on myself. I was judging myself.
After that first year of the course I buckled down and started to really look at what I was believing in. What I was judging. I was judging everything and everyone around me including myself. I was also judging God as not being able to guide me when I did this. I actually had the audacity and temerity to think I knew better than God or that someone outside of me knew better than God. Now that was a fucking laugh. Here I was thinking something has gone wrong or that I was bad in some way... I was being punished... "I" need to make money so this thingy will happen... because I... Because I... yeah...
Now why is it my life is so chaotic? Oh, yeah... "I" keep thinking I know something and I should be doing something... When will I learn that all is perfect and if I just accept and allow I will be given all I need. Not all I want, but all I NEED. Now that is what I call Divine intervention. Giving me what I need instead of what I think I want. Thank you Father for giving me Holy Spirit to guide me home to you. Thank you. I love you.
Blessings on your journeys my brothers. Hugs and love. You are loved. I love you.